I Hope You Had The Time Of Your Life
by CrazedwiththeCullens
Summary: What happens when Edward dumps Riley, his lover of nearly two years for Bella in front of everyone at Forks High? Will Riley fight for Edward's Love, move on, or is it the end for him…
1. Chapter 1

**First a warning, this story deals with suicidal thoughts, underage sex and man on man sex, if none of this is to your liking, I suggest you read no further.**

 **Now…**

 **I came up with this story one afternoon while driving the 40 km through the bush from the nearest major centre to my home. It takes about 30 minutes with beautiful** **scenery** **and leaves plenty of time for contemplation.**

 **Two songs played on the radio in** **succession** **,** **Greenday's** **'Time of your life' followed by Madonna's 'like a prayer' the images that flashed through my mind were the basis for this story. I fleshed them out based on a little heart ache of my own.**

 **I originally had written a completely new character for this story, but I thought it might work better if I used a recognisable person from fandom, so I picked Riley Biers, mainly because he was played in Eclipse by the hot Australian actor Xavier Samuel. I have taken great liberties with his character, basing it instead on a close friend of mine (who I have promised will remain nameless – another reason for adopting Riley)**

 **Everything is cannon (more or less, at least according to the movie 'twilight') up until Edward drives Bella to school. Of course there is a hell of a lot going on behind the scenes that we didn't see in the movie… but I guess we all thought that anyway.**

 **A note of warning: we spell words differently down under, I have used a US English spell check so I hope that clears it up, but if not I apologise and hope it doesn't interrupt the flow of the story.**

 **Of course all characters belong to SM, I've just had fun playing with them. Thanks SM, your boys and girls have got me though some tough times!**

 **See end for more notes -**

RPOV

I stood talking to the Cullen's; I hadn't completely lost my Australian accent, even though it had been four years since we emigrated to Forks.

I would have said it was a usual morning at Forks High, well usual to everyone but the five vampires and the two students who knew their secret, of which, of course, I was one.

One of said Vampires and one of the said students hadn't yet showed, which was uncharacteristic. Edward was usually very punctual. As for the… Bella, I couldn't care less if I never saw her again, Edward was spending way too much time with her.

Edward hadn't been in my bed for over a week, I knew he was with Bella, but Edward refused to answer my questions… He even lied to me! Said he was hunting, which a few impromptu questions of Emmett flushed out… God bless Emm and his naivety.

She was also the reason Edward bailed on me in Port Angeles. The next day Jessica 'the killer gob' was shooting it off about Edward and Bella having dinner.

As if that wasn't bad enough I'd had to ring Alice and ask her to come and get me… That hurt. But I couldn't let Mum know that Edward had abandoned me in a strange city, she already was weary of the time I spent with him.

Alice didn't mind, well she didn't till I started pumping her for information about where the Edward/Bella thing was headed. She was unusually cryptic which made me even more suspicious.

I can only guess what THEY got up to in OUR meadow… it still hurts that Edward took her there, the place I discovered all those years ago and introduced Edward to just after he and his family arrived in Forks. No I left them to it... I didn't want to see what they did; I really didn't want to know if Edward cried out louder when he fucked her then when he made love to me, whether he enjoyed it more…

The Cullen's and I were almost inseparable… I knew they didn't approve of Bella… FULL STOP! Nor Edwards behaviour. One human knowing their secret was one thing, but we have been through a lot together, and I was Edwards mate, or at least I thought I was. But bum fuddled Bella the albino Mexican or whatever she was, who face planted herself every day, seemingly as a way of life… no that was going too far.

Emmett placed his giant arm around my shoulder in a protective gesture as I talked about my fears of Edward and Bella. It was easy for him to do, I was 5'9" he was 6'1".

Alice rubbed my arm tenderly.

Jasper looked concerned and stood ram rod straight and aloof as usual in public to protect me from any stray impulse he may get with all the passing flesh walking around.

We were actually very close; we shared History together for the last two years; sitting together, doing projects. In the private of the Cullen house, when he only had one human to concentrate on not ripping to pieces, we had great debates on military history, built dioramas of famous battles and generally tooled about as only two history/military nerds could.

I think he was the most cut up about Edwards behaviour… maybe also because he could sense Edwards feelings about Bella and my feelings of desperation. Maybe it was even more than that, but he deeply loved Alice and I loved Edward, so I didn't even want to think about going there; even though his half smile and dimples should be outlawed by the Geneva convention…

I knew he had often used his gift over the last week to stabilise my emotions, for which I was enormously thankful, I don't know how I could have held it together without him… But my emotions were starting to get stronger and even Jasper seemed either unable or unwilling to completely wipe them out.

Rose looked just plain pissed. I had taken especial care from the beginning to treat her like a princess, knowing she was the hardest nut to crack and it paid off… we had become quite close over the years. I guess I won her heart when I asked her, rather than one of the guys, to show me how to service a car. She was a car fiend and made me look like such a dumb ass, but I took it with good grace and the bond was formed.

….

Silence broke out among the usual gaggle of students and unusually the Cullen's also paid attention to the car arriving. Emmett's giant paw slipped from my shoulder. I turned from facing them and involuntarily I'm sure, my mouth fell open. Edward's familiar silver Volvo was pulling up. Edward got out, ran round to the passenger side and opened it to reveal the… Bella.

He had a broad smile on his face that for the first time I wanted to sandpaper off, then he put his arm around Bella… they went public… they were a public item! I felt myself hyperventilating. All the years Edward and I had been a couple but couldn't show any affection in public because it would break the vampire code and now! I watched agog as they walked past me, Edward didn't even seem to notice me. It could have been his dark glasses, but I doubt it... That hurt like a mother fucker!

It took me a few moments to collect myself, and then I made to run after the retreating pair, when Alice stepped into my path.

"Don't." she said…

I looked at her as if to say 'why not?'

"Because it won't change anything and you will be the one that gets hurt." She said, pain etched on her tiny face. Little did I know that she saw with her special senses what was about to happen and she wanted to stop it. That she thought I deserved so much better then what was going to happen. But I was determined and I pushed past Alice saying "We'll see."

I finally caught up with Edward and Bella in the quad, "Hey, Edward!" I called out when I caught up. "What's going on?"

"What does it look like" Edward said tersely.

"I can't believe what it looks like." I Replied… Edward just glowered at me. "I can't believe you've gone public, I can't believe you took HER to the meadow… I can't believe." I was interrupted.

"You watched us?" screeched Bella, god she was irritating! Why Edward didn't gaff tape her gob shut, I don't know… maybe he had to after I left the meadow… or he found an 8 inch object to shove in it... the thought made me nauseous.

"Not for long, I have a week stomach." I retorted as cuttingly as I could. "So how was she? was she worth it…" I said to Edward.

"You're disgusting!" said Edward. The words cut through me like a knife.

"What?" was all I could manage.

"Your thoughts disgust me… you're obsessed with sex. You think everything revolves around it."

"You think we…" Bella was enraged.

"Shut it!" I said dismissing her, she was nothing, I needed to concentrate my verbal attack on Edward, but before I could, Edward came to Bella's aid.

"Don't ever talk to her like that again. In fact don't ever talk to her. You don't deserve to."

"But what about us?" fuck I sounded pathetic and needy.

"What about it… it's over; Bella is part of my life now. She is giving me what you never could." He closed the small distance between us and towered over me; doing his 'menacing vampire' thing… it worked on everyone but me... I just eyeballed him back, daring him to physically rip me apart in front of everyone as he was ripping my heart apart.

"Don't ever come near us again with your lecherous thoughts… It's over." Edward breathed over me, and with that Edward put his arm around Bella as if to shield her from a rabid dog and escorted her to class.

I stood there with everyone staring at me. I didn't know whether to scream or cry. Neither I was going to do in front of my idiotic class mates, so I rapidly left the area and went up to the woods behind the school.

There on the same moss covered log that Edward and I held our first stilted conversation, I finally let the tears flow. I sat there sobbing my life out for what seemed like ages.

I tried to get my head around what had just happened, but it wouldn't work. All I could think of was that it was over, there was nothing left. Then the thought came to me. There was nothing left to live for, so why bother…

It was amazing how fast your mind can come up with a plan. The cliffs at La Push, Edward and the vampires can't go there, the wolves will be at work or in school; none of them could stop me… though at the moment I doubted if Edward would bother. Another sob left my exhausted body.

I finally pulled myself together and decide to make use of everyone being in class to have one last walk around the school in private, remember the happy moments Edward and I had, one last time, before the end.

I gave the log one last loving stroke on the place where Edward used to sit, before I left it for ever.

This is the exact spot where our bond started, where Edward had comforted me when I thought my mother was dying of cancer… fortunately Carlisle had saved her… how long ago that seemed now, yet it must not even be two years…

I walked the familiar trail through the woods coming out at the playing fields. I saw the stalls where I used to sit and watch the Cullen's triumph at their particular sporting choice, only there because of them; my interest in organised sport nil.

I remember sitting in those stalls in the pouring rain watching Edward compete in track and field, he was so happy to see me there to cheer him home… Would he notice now?

I headed back to the now deserted school, everyone in class.

I walked through the quiet cafeteria, scene of my worst times at school before the Cullen's arrived. When I was a loner, left out of the social cliques that control every school's student body. I eventually deserted the cafeteria to eat outside, alone with my thoughts… Till Edward invited me to sit at their table. They were loners, so was I; it was a natural fit.

I ran my fingers along the 'Cullen's table' as it was called; no one dared sit there but them. I remembered all the jokes we shared, the laughter. Where we had planned celebrations and commiserations. The laughter and tears that had been shed there over two years seemed to seep into the cheap wood of the table, to bring it alive.

I wonder what they will say sitting here when I'm gone… Edward had already invited Bella over to eat with them. Will they welcome her after this? Probably, the life of one person can't change the lives of immortals. They will just keep going. How many friends must they have lost to ageing over the decades? They are used to it. I'll be forgotten by the end of the week.

I wonder if they'll come to the funeral? I doubt it… Anyway Mum will probably go spastic and insist on only church people or something.

Still what do I care, 'I'll be there in body but not spirit'… I thought with a smile, 'God I love black humour'. Edward and I had the same sense of humour; I used to have him in stiches, often in the worst possible moments to be laughing. Not anymore… The smile disappeared from my face.

I headed up the corridors, past the Principal's office. We were such swats we never needed to go there unless it was for school work.

I walked past the lab doors and happened to glance in; there was a class of suitably bored teenagers in there. I remembered the secret experiments we used to do. The time we almost blew up the lab accidentally on purpose… that took a lot of explaining, which with Edwards charm and my wit we talked our way out of… come to think of it we DID have to go to the Principal's office after that one!

A smile graced my face at the memory… it was soon wiped off. Bella wouldn't be so rash; she wouldn't get Edward into trouble. Maybe that's why he likes her better?

I went into the now silent music room, walked over to the Yamaha and ran my fingers along its cold black mirror surface… I remembered how Edward could make the instrument sing, his hands gliding over its keys, his long skilled fingers hitting every note to perfection. He was the musical star of Forks High, so much so that the music teacher, Mum, gave him afterhours access to the music room to practice, his own key! Not that he needed to practice, he had 100 years of that, and not that he needed access to the Yamaha, the Cullen's had a superior instrument at their house. No it was another chance for us to be alone. Away from my prying mother, away from the superhuman hearing of the Cullen family. I wonder if Mum would have given him the key if she knew what we used to get up to in here?

We would sit for hours, Edward playing his latest composition. He could make my flesh vibrate with the passion of his playing.

Then there were OUR compositions. He always said I was his muse. My imagination and his creativity, we were an amazing duo. He said the visions in my mind while he played inspired him. He said they were better than the movies…. My blinding ambition for a better world, free from hunger and poverty lead him to compose the 'Biers' piano Concerto. All strong notes played at breakneck speed, Rachmaninov would have been envious of Edward's Genius.

Then there was the 'Riley' Sonata, soft notes, minor key, but with a strong undercurrent… he said it was written about our love and our lovemaking. He wrote it for my 16th birthday and I loved it. It knocked Beethoven's Moonlight sonata into a cocked hat.

I wonder whether that might be the reason we are done… he had exhausted the creativity he can get from me… I'm familiar. Uninspiring. Stale now… He needs a new muse… Bella.

I wonder if she had already sat by his side on the piano stool and watched him play, compose. I stopped stroking the piano… the image of them together as we used to be, worked to a frenzy of passion by the music and making love on the stool… it sickened me… the instrument that had caused me so much joy was now contaminated. I retracted my hand from it as if it were red hot metal… I wonder what he composes about her. If it were me it would be all staccato notes to match her shrill voice… I left the music room, there was nothing left for me here…

I then headed to the library. Our home away from home. The hours we had sat there and studied, joked under our breaths, planned and plotted our revenge against Emmett's latest prank. And made out when no one was looking.

I walked up to the furthest row of books and remembered that one night when we were 'studying' late, we couldn't wait to get home and we made love propped up against the shelves. It wasn't the most comfortable place, but for two nerds the smell of old books was an aphrodisiac and the orgasms we had were huge. There was still a cum stain on the carpet… one for the archives… I felt a filthy smile grace my lips.

That was the only time we actually were game enough to fuck here, though when the Librarian went to lunch we often pleasured each other digitally or occasionally orally… I felt my pants tightening just remembering. But all that too was gone. Smile wiped away, tightness disappeared.

Bella wouldn't be so rash… she wouldn't give herself to Edward freely. I bet she made Edward beg for it. She'd only put out when she got what she wanted, that's why she had him wrapped round her taloned fingers. She played the game. I gave myself freely, no catches, our love for love sake; emotional and physical. How can that win against a succubus, how can pure love defeat manipulation and evil…

I stormed out of the library… My time here was almost at an end… I headed for the parking lot, trying not to remember this morning's events.

….

I resignedly climbed into my car. A Honda Accord, my 17th birthday present from Edward. Edward had wanted to buy me a sports car, but I sensibly said there was no way I could explain it to my mother and she wouldn't let me accept a gift; we had our pride. So we settled on the Accord, lied to my mother that the Cullen's went guarantor on a loan and enjoyed it.

Fuck, all the time I looked out for their safety, their public image… what the fuck for? I bet that slut Bella would go for the Ferrari and whore around town in it fucking anything she could get her leg over! And given how far spread her hips were that could involve livestock!

I ran my fingers over the dash board caressing my baby, the only thing I loved more than my car was Edward… more sobs.

I put it into gear and pulled out of the parking lot for the last time.

As I drove through the streets of Forks, making my slow way up to the cliffs, I realised 'I doubt if there had been a single corner of this small town which Edward and I hadn't done something in over the last two years…'

A song came on the radio; strange how things just seem to fall into place even at the end… too bad all life wasn't like this.

As I slowly passed through the small town, not wanting to hurry my last drive. Taking time to remember all the crazy things Edward and I had done, I heard Green day's soft melancholic Ballard 'Time of your life' ringing out. It seemed so… appropriate. To end it all with this.

Remember all the happy times I could never come back to.

Not now. Not now he has found another.

I realise tears are streaming down my face.

Heaven help what I must look like. But then no one bothers to look at other drivers. Everyone is too busy wrapped up in their own lives. Never stopping to hear the silent screams.

Even my love… with all his telepathic powers, is oblivious. Caught up in his new crush. Tossing me aside like an old piece of gum. He's sucked all the flavour out of it and now it's just an undesirable piece of formless rubber best disposed of.

Driving out of the School drive I saw the First Congregational Church opposite… I remembered that first Christmas after I met the Cullen's. How Edward and I had argued about his soul and whether he was damned or not. I argued that even though I didn't believe in a heaven or hell, I could not believe that there could be an all loving God who would damn him and his family for something beyond their control, when they had suffered so much to avoid doing what was natural to them.

Edward hadn't believed me, so I berated him into coming to church Christmas Eve to ask the Minister. Edward's hand's shook with fear as we entered the church. I let him know there was no way, no how, God was striking him down… he'd have to come through me first. That seemed to calm him.

After the service we asked the Minister if there is any sin, even murder, so great that God will not forgive. The Minister simply said no; God loves everyone, Jesus died for us to have that chance, and all you need is repentance. Edward was so blown away by this.

I urged the same point later that night in front of the collected Cullen's, that they could never be damned… they were too good. The next day the whole Cullen family came to church for the first time in their immortal lives. I remember how happy this made the Minister. A whole new family of young people joining his flock… it had made Christmas.

I saw said Minister fixing the grounds of said church; he saw me and waved his usual friendly wave… I hardly noticed, my eyes were burning with tears. Had they not been I would have noticed his worried look and him running inside to telephone the school. He was a good man. But I could never confess to him what my problems were… I knew that a loving God would not damn me for loving another man, but I didn't want to place that kind Minister in the position of advising me on that subject…

Later I drove past Newton's sporting good's store. Mikes Dad was out front setting up a display. He was a good guy. He gave me work during school breaks because he knew I needed the money. A lot of people in town were down on him, because he and his wife weren't 'locals' and they did tend to big note themselves. But that was just their way. I knew from working there that their margins were cut pretty fine.

I also knew they were one of the only places in Forks that local kids with no work experience could be given a chance. And that during the floods last year they donated a lot of tarps and tents and stuff to the reservation, didn't even want a mention.

Mr Newton or Mike Senior as he always asked me to call him had taken me with zero experience and when I showed potential, gave me every opportunity. He had suggested that if I didn't want to go to college he could put me on full time. Knowing his son Mike had little aptitude for the business. It was an awkward conversation, here he was putting me ahead of his own son, but I didn't want to end up running a sports good store in Forks… I had higher ambitions then that… or at least I did before my life fell to pieces.

I saw him in the window, and envisioned in 30 years that's what pore Mike Junior would be doing. No, not for me.

Mr Newton saw me and waved, I never saw it, nor did I see him pull the phone out of his pocket and call his son to see why I, the most reliable of students was cutting school and driving through town in tears.

I was too busy remembering the first day of fall break nearly two years ago, when Edward and I went there to buy stuff for our first camping trip. We had only known each other for a couple of months. Carlisle thought it would be good for us to bond in the wilderness. Mum wasn't happy with it but relented when I begged… even though I was scared shitless of bears a week alone with Edward was too good to miss, even though I thought he was straight back then.

I remember that camping trip well, it had rained on and off constantly, but it was one of the bet times of my life, mainly spending so much time with Edward, but also because of a few unforeseen incidents, one of which ironically involved a fairly hungry and pissed off grizzly bear, I discovered that Edward and his family were immortals… He saved my life, but I was willing to lose it to save him… I wonder if he would bother now.

On my way out of town I then drove past the Carver café, remembering the burgers and pizzas. The knowing looks that the waitress Cora gave us when we sat together, also her complete lack of judgement and ability to keep a confidence, yes I'd miss Cora and her amazing Java! Had I been paying attention I would have seen her getting out of her car and wave… I would have also seen the concerned look on her face when she noticed the state I was in and that she hurried inside to call her friend Chief Swan.

But I didn't, my mind was in the past, I was remembering the ridiculous lengths Edward went to, to appear to eat food. I always helped him out, my plate always miraculously gained food during a meal faster than the human eye could follow. Thank God for Emm's exercise regime or I'd be the size of a house by now.

I bet bovine Bella won't eat Edward's food, couldn't have her risk putting on weight and getting massive udders. No Edward will just have to fend for himself now. This gave me a frison of pleasure which was immediately overwhelmed by regret... I still loved Edward, in spite of what he said and did… I didn't want him to suffer.

I guess that was the real reason I was getting out of the way. He didn't need me hanging around like a bad smell. If he wanted to spend his life with Bella then I wouldn't get in the way.

And I hoped she made him happy. I really did…

I also hoped she died of amoebic dysentery, but that was another matter.

I drove past Tillicum Park and remembered summer vacation of 2004 dragging Edward and the Cullen's to a Kerry/Edwards rally I had helped organise as part of the Young Democrats. God they grumbled; but Carlisle had supported me, saying it would help them fit in if they participated in the town life.

Carlisle was so supportive of me, always there with advice. I think he was proud how successful I had become in politics at such a young age. He always made me feel like another son, and he was the father I never really had… I almost thought about driving to the hospital to talk to him… ask his advice.

But no, I knew what I needed to do. Carlisle would have his own problems with the killer bitch joining their family.

I remembered with a smile that the Cullen's came to regret their show of support. I soon had the most active doorknocking and leaflet dropping organisation in Washington State. I was a legend in the Young Democrats… the fact that my 'volunteers' had super powers was not my secret to divulge... another smile creped across my face.

I had already plotted my bid for the City Council… how could I fail with such a team? With Alice able to predict my opponent's actions and Edward their thoughts. A distinct advantage. I'd soon be the youngest Mayor the City ever had, then State Congress, US Senate? Who knows…? I froze in my thoughts… not anymore. I would be just me, a kid, not even a local; I wasn't born here, what chance would I have…? Still I wasn't going to be around to care for much longer.

I smirked again when I remembered the nick name we gave the park… 'Till-I-Cum' park. My god the sexual adventures Edward and I had in the rotunda, the steam engine, the parking lot… just about everywhere.

Good luck Edward trying to get Bella to do it on a rug in the freezing cold… especially given the temperature of your cock in winter. I remember I nearly got frost bite on my prostate and colon. Though by god the sounds that came from Edward made it worth it… I'd do it over again in a second to please him… Not happening!

I took the turn out of town and up along the coast road to La Push. When the song ended I killed the radio. I didn't want some perky song about love ruining what was a perfect send-off.

I thought I should have left a note. But what the fuck. No one would give a shit enough to read it. Anyway, this way it could be put down as an accident, Mum wouldn't have the shame of a suicide inquest. No one would think less of Edward… still thinking of others till the end… God I'm pathetic.

EPOV

I sat there gazing at Bella over lunch. Transfixed. She wasn't particularly beautiful. More pretty, but her scent was beguiling and her ability to hide her thoughts was intriguing and enticing. How I thought I would like to spend the rest of my life unlocking her secrets.

I rolled this idea around in my head when Alice took a sharp intake of breath. Jaspers hand was immediately on hers comforting her. The vision she saw blazed though my head cutting my reverie off. Riley, on top of the cliffs at La Push, throwing himself into the waters… ending it all because of my hurtful and careless remarks that morning during 'the scene' as it was coming to be called.

"Alice?" I asked in a voice so low that only a vampire could hear.

"Go to him… you may be too late!" she said urgently, not moderating her voice, not giving a damn who herd. I saw the desperation in her face and immediately took off, my chair colliding with the far wall and shattering. There was a pregnant hush in the cafeteria where there used to be buzzing noise. Every eye followed me as I retreated from the room at barely human speed, rapidly followed by Emmett.

"Dude, you may need help." He said as he came along side me as we quickened our pace in the deserted hallway, appearing to any bystander like a blur as we raced to the car park.

I knew this wasn't about physicality. I was more than capable of retrieving one human from the sea, or hopefully stopping them from entering it. Was he worried about the wolves? No, Riley was close with them; he'd saved Jacob's life. No, they would not stop us from saving him… I think Emmett realised what was going on… that we might be too late… that I might need someone to sit with me as we waited for Chief Swan and Carlisle to arrive to remove the body… I pushed such thoughts from my mind. I HAD to be in time!

I jumped in Emm's jeep which was closer and easier to get in; the keys were out of his pocket in my hand and in the ignition before our ass' hit the leather. Music blared out from the trashy radio station that Emm always had it tuned to. I ignored it, concentrating on maximising the speed of the machine around corners.

We probably took a full inch of rubber off the tires as we peeled out of the car park. Emm said nothing. Normally he'd scream blue murder about someone treating his baby that way.

We drove like death was on our heels, skipping every light we came across to the honks of motorists. One unfortunately being Chief Swan himself – who cares, he'll need to be there eventually anyway. STOP IT! I cussed at myself as I dismissed more macabre thoughts from my mind.

I needed to stop my mind from whirring around. Conversation, any would do….

"Why would he do it?" I spat out. I immediately regrated asking it.

"Because you talked to him like a bit of shit in front of everyone in school." Emmett said bluntly. I really shouldn't have asked that question. I read what he left out in his mind… 'Just because you're so pussy whipped, you dumped your boyfriend and best friend in front of everyone. Practically outed him… If you weren't a vampire he'd probably have punched you square in the face, because I was about to.'

I looked at Emm and he glowered at me. I knew he and all my family were annoyed at my new infatuation with Bella. They couldn't understand it. But the anger that suddenly seethed out of him startled me. Had he really felt like this before? Surely not, for how could I have missed it?

As if to answer my question. As though he were the telepathic one. As though it were written all over my face, Emmett ejected… "Because since you found Bella you haven't given a flying fuck about the rest of us. I've been testing you. Some of the shit I have thought you've not even noticed, unless it has the word 'Bella' in it."

Oh My God, was it that obvious? Was that why Riley had been getting more and more distant? Or was it actually he that was the same as usual and I was moving away?

Madonna's "like a prayer" was playing on the radio, it somehow seemed appropriate.

 _Life is a mystery,  
Everyone must stand alone  
I hear you call my name  
And it feels like home_

When you call my name it's like a little prayer  
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there  
In the midnight hour I can feel your power  
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

We came to the cliffs and skidded to a halt. Jumping out of the jeep we ran to the roadside overlooking the ocean.

"There he is" Emm retorted.

Riley stood atop the cliff the wolves' show-off and jump from. A fun trick for the supernatural but deadly for mortals.

"Riley! NOOOOO!" I yelled out.

He looked up from the waves below and fixed me in the eye with a longing stare. Like he always used to. A small melancholic smile broke across his face

 _I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing_

"I LOVE YOU EDWARD…"he cried out, waited a millisecond for me to register his words, a few more for him to register their impression on my face… then he plunged off the cliff careering down in a swan dive to the rocks and breakers below. His mind endlessly repeating the phrase…

"I LOVE YOU EDWARD…"

"I LOVE YOU EDWARD…"

"I LOVE YOU EDWARD…"

 _I have no choice, I hear your voice_

 _Feels like flying  
I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm falling  
Out of the sky, I close my eyes  
Heaven help me  
_

"NOOOO!" I heard an unearthly voice bellow, I realised it was mine.

I hadn't even notice Chief Swan pull up and get out of his patrol car, he saw the whole thing… "Holy Shit!" He exclaimed, and ran to his car radio to call for the coast guard.

And in an instant both Emm and I jumped off the coast road down into the water. Only our super acute hearing heard Chief Swan scream "No Boys…" as we left the precipice.

I swam like I never had before. In my mind his constant repetition of 'I love you Edward' started to grow dimmer, then stopped…. NOOOO no I could not be too late. It just wasn't possible.

I finally reached the bottom of the cliff; there was no sign of him! I dived down, and there slowly floating to the bottom was the limp body of the boy I loved… I had no time to analyse these newly resurfaced feelings. I scooped him up and dragged him to the surface… he wasn't breathing. I took a millisecond to place my lips on his, it was automatic I just wanted so much to let him know how I felt. I swam like a crazy person to the shore where I effortlessly carried his limp body up the beach. Emm was in lockstep beside me.

I immediately set to work giving CPR at inhuman speed. I prayed to God, that even though I was now damned, he spare this poor victim of my stupidity.

"Ed…"Emm said shaking his head as I franticly worked on my patient using every skill I had learned in three medical degrees.

"No!" I spat out in between resuscitating breaths…"It can't end like this…. It can't"

"Edward… he's gone." Emm said quietly. His hand on my shoulder to try and still my frantic actions.

"No…" I said "GOD!" I yelled out at an inhuman volume that reverberated around the cove, hoping, praying, that God listened… then giving Riley one last compression and suddenly water spewed from his lungs and a cough spat out… I let out an exasperated prayer, glanced at Emmett in triumph then wrapped Riley in my arms and covered his face in kisses, a smile broke over his lips and I chastely placed mine on his, I felt his hand tighten on my side where it had been hanging, he didn't have enough strength to raise his arms but it was all I needed.

We heard a crash though some bushes and Chief Swan practically landed on the beach.

"What in hells name are you boys playing at." He exploded as he picked himself up off the sand and gravel.

Ignoring the commotion I deepened the kiss.

"Holy crap!" Chief Swan ejaculated but I paid it no mind.

Finally after what seemed like eternity, but must have been but a short while, I broke the kiss to gaze at my loves tired bloodshot eyes and see the smile dance there again. I rolled him to his side so he could breathe easier and rubbed his back letting him know through touch that this time I wasn't going anywhere.

….

There was going to be a lot of explaining to do. But at the moment I didn't care. I had won…

I silently kicked myself that it took his near death to make me realise how much I needed him.

And I have no idea how I am going to explain to the Chief what happened here, or how I am going to let Bella know that there was another who already had my heart.

But I didn't care… he was alive! And if he'd still have me, I would never leave his side…

~ The End ~

 **"Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day**

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road  
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go  
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind  
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time  
Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial  
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,  
I hope you had the time of your life.

 **"Like A Prayer" by Madonna**

Life is a mystery  
Everyone must stand alone  
I hear you call my name  
And it feels like home

When you call my name it's like a little prayer  
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there  
In the midnight hour I can feel your power  
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

I hear your voice  
It's like an angel sighing  
I have no choice, I hear your voice  
Feels like flying

I close my eyes  
Oh God I think I'm falling  
Out of the sky, I close my eyes  
Heaven help me

When you call my name it's like a little prayer  
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there  
In the midnight hour I can feel your power  
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

Like a child  
You whisper softly to me  
You're in control just like a child  
Now I'm dancing

It's like a dream  
No end and no beginning  
You're here with me it's like a dream  
Let the choir sing

When you call my name it's like a little prayer  
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there  
In the midnight hour I can feel your power  
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

When you call my name it's like a little prayer  
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there  
In the midnight hour I can feel your power  
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

Life is a mystery  
Everyone must stand alone  
I hear you call my name  
And it feels like home

Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there  
Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery  
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem  
Just like a prayer, no choice your voice can take me there

Just like a prayer, I'll take you there  
It's like a dream to me  
Just like a prayer, I'll take you there  
It's like a dream to me

Just like a prayer, I'll take you there  
It's like a dream to me  
Just like a prayer, I'll take you there  
It's like a dream to me

Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there  
Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery  
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem  
Just like a prayer, no choice your voice can take me there

Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there  
Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery  
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem  
Just like a prayer, no choice your voice can take me there  
Your voice can take me there  
Like a prayer

Just like a prayer  
Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there  
Just like a prayer  
Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there

 **End Notes-**

 **First, thank you all for sticking with this, I hope you enjoyed it.**

 **This story was originally going to be a lot darker, a sad statement about the futility of life with Edward being too late to save Riley (it was the head space I was in) but as I re-read it, I saw a more important message come forth… that even when life seems pointless, you still need to keep on going, more people than you realise care about you. You just need to give them a chance to show it.**

 **More importantly, anyone who is reading this who feels like Riley or knows someone who does, please get help… Suicide is the largest killer of under 30's and same sex attracted people in the western world. You don't have to just 'try and live with it'. Every country has free call hotlines to give help and advice, please! I implore you to use them. If you know someone who has been having mood swings, depressed or talking about ending things please talk to them, if you don't know what to say call the help lines and they will advise you. I can guarantee you that one awkward conversation is much better than a lifetime of regret and" why didn't I ask him/her if they were ok?"**

 **Now… (Climbs of soap box.)**

 **This story is part of a longer novel sized work I'm writing, no doubt you noticed there was a lot of back story that was hinted at or left out. This chapter occurs about two thirds of the way through the story arc, which starts with the Cullen's first day at Forks high and ending at college. This was one of the most powerful parts of the story so I thought it best to test the waters with this… if anyone likes my writing then I'll publish updates as regularly I can. Starting from Edward and Riley's first meeting. It's not all as bleak as this chapter, in fact since I tend to believe that life is stranger and certainly far sillier than fiction (maybe that's just my life) some of this story is quite zany….**

 **Also a big thankyou to the great KellanCugar for giving me the nudge that got me to man up and start posting. I should say she hasn't pre-read this and can in no way be blamed for it. Thanks again KC!**

 **Also anyone interested in Xavier Samuel should check out the Australian short movie "Drowning" it's very moving (and you see him in his undies) here's a link /drowning-2009/**

 **So again thanks for reading! (Waits nervously for first comment...)**


	2. Chapter 2

I've Seen Better Days

Notes

 **Here we are, the next chapter of "I hope you had the time of your lives."**

 **I had hit a wall half way through writing this, it just wasn't coming together like I wanted it to, then my musical muse stepped in again; when driving home from work through the vineyards I heard the great Australian artist Pete Murray's "Better Day's" and suddenly Edwards point of view became clear, I encourage you all to listen to it before you read this, it says so much about what the boys are going through, but in particular Edward. Here's a link… watch?v=KZB-WAG9lSY**

 **I have included the words below.**

 **I should also mention the character of Rev. Ryan is based on a minister I knew about 10 years ago (minus the Irish accent) and the Monsignor in 'Guess who's coming to dinner' played expertly by Cecil Kellaway.**

 **See end for more notes.**

Better Days by Pete Murray

And I saw it coming  
I saw emptiness and tragedy  
And I felt like running so far away  
Then knew I had to stay

And I know when I'm older  
I look back and I still feel the pain  
I know, I'll be stronger and I know, I'll be fine  
For the rest of my days

I've seen better days  
Put my face in my hands  
Get down on my knees and I pray to God  
Hope he sees me through till the end

I noticed most things  
But I didn't notice the change  
It was hot in the morning  
Then it turned so cold, 't was the end of the day

There was no condensation  
I just felt like I was in space  
I needed my friends there I just turned around  
They were gone without a trace

Seen better days  
Put my face in my hands  
Get down on my knees and I pray to God  
Hope he sees me through till the end

Now I have just started  
And I won't be done till the end  
There's nothing I have lost  
There was once placed upon my hands

And all of these hard times  
Have faded 'round the bend  
Now that I'm wiser, I cannot wait  
Till I can help my friends

I've seen better days  
Put my face in my hands  
Get down on my knees and I pray to God  
Hope he sees me through till the end

Seen better days  
Put my face in my hands  
Get down on my knees and I pray to God  
Hope he sees me through till the end

Seen better  
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na  
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na  
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na  
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na

EPOV

Shortly Alice, Jasper and Rose were on the seen followed by Carlisle and an ambulance.

"Good work son." He said to me. I looked at him dejectedly. "You saved him."

"It's because of my stupidity he did this…" I said fearing Carlisle recriminations. A sharp wave of shock registered through him, a brief hint of disappointment, and then a wave of compassion. I should have known my father better. He put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder. Though there was still an underlying… frustration? No stronger than that… Carlisle could forgive easily, but we would be talking about today as a family, and as father and son before long. I dreaded it.

Noting my growing despondency he added "He's alive Edward, thanks to you. And where there is life there's hope."

Chief Swan took this inopportune time to come over to us. He gestured for Emmett to join us. He kept his voice low, and he was thinking he hated what he was about to say, but it was his duty.

"Boy's I'm going to have to take statements from you about what happened here later, so don't skip town." He thought he didn't need to add the last bit, he knew we were no trouble, but he always said it 'to cover his ass'.

"We'll be ready." Emmett said, I just nodded. Carlisle looked pained. He was thinking of how he could talk to Chief Swan and get him to keep a lid on this. Not only for the sake of our secret, but because of the shame a formal suicide investigation would bring on Riley and his mother.

Riley's unconscious body was loaded into the back of an ambulance. Emm escorted me over to his jeep which this time he drove. My siblings climbed back into Rose's red Mercedes convertible. Carlisle into his Black Mercedes saloon. And we followed the ambulance in a slow sorry procession.

Bella'sPOV

"Go to him… you may be too late!" Alice screamed.

I was startled out of my salad, I couldn't believe it, one minute Edward was sitting next to me watching me talk and the next minuet he was gone, his chair was in pieces and Emm was rapidly following him. I looked at Alice to see what she yelled for, she looked like she was having a conniption fit or something. Jasper was immediately comforting her.

"Alice what is it?" I asked concerned.

"She's having a vision," Jasper mutter so quietly only those at our table could hear. I had never seen Alice have a vision before… it was quite… creepy.

"What did you see?" I asked startled about what could cause Edward and Emmett to disappear with no notice.

"It's a family matter." Rose hissed looking at me pointedly. Bitch!

People were beginning to stare. "I'll get Alice to the school clinic, her headache is getting a lot worse." Said Jasper loud enough for the gawkers to hear. He led Alice out of the cafeteria and I sat in silence with Rose for a few seconds before she haughtily got up and marched off, not even announcing where she was going.

I got up and went outside where I couldn't be overheard, pulled my phone out of my bag and called Edward. It went to message. "Edward, what is it? When you get this, call me, I'm worried." I said then hang up. Returned the phone to my bag and headed off to class.

….

I was bored senseless in English, the teacher droned on and on and I had nothing to occupy my thoughts other than what had happened today. I tried to make sense of the Alice question but without any members of the Cullen family present I was at a loss. They had all disappeared now. This got me even more worried… So my mind began to wander back to this morning to "The scene" as it was beginning to be called around school.

Riley said "But what about us?" but it was in a strange way… not like 'our friendship', more possessive? Strange.

Then Edward replied "What about it… it's over." Friendship? sounded too definite for that, Edward used precise English most of the time, it was how and when he was brought up, he would have said 'our friendship is over' surely.

Then he said "Bella is part of my life now." Fair enough. "She is giving me what you never could." This was just after Riley had accused us of having sex. Wait a minute! Why the hell did he care whether we had sex or not… a friend may be jealous that his best friend was hanging out with his girlfriend more than him, but he should be happy that Edward was 'getting his leg over' as the boys charmingly call it. Surely, that's what guy's do don't they? Brag about their sex lives… not get jealous about it…

Holy Fuck! No no, Edwards straight… he's into me… he grew up when homosexuality didn't exist…. Well sure it did, but it was underground, illegal. Edward… no way. No how… Fuck!

"Miss Swan… are you paying attention!" Mr Mason said in a loud voice that knocked all further thoughts out of my head... but I was determined to get to the bottom of this.

….

After school, when Edward hadn't returned my call I rang him again and left another message. God I was starting to sound pathetically whiny, but I couldn't help it. I then called Emmett, I had stolen his number along with the rest of Edward's families out of his phone when he gave it to me to program my number in. It was what girlfriends were supposed to do weren't they? Lauren always did. Her list of ex's contacts was huge!

Emmett wasn't answering either. I called the rest of the Cullen's, the same response. What the hell was going on?

I then heard Lauren talking loudly behind me.

"And he like apparently went cliff diving! I mean can you believe it, Riley? I mean dorky Riley the nerd! Cutting class to go Cliff diving with the Indians? I said like please don't take me for an idiot." I didn't hear the rest, she was out of ear shot. It WAS completely out of character from the small amount I had seen of Riley. I dialed Jacob's number.

"Hey Bella." His usual friendly voice answered the phone.

"Jake what's happening down at La Push?"

"What? Nothing as far as I know, what have you heard?"

"Lauren just said that Riley cut school and was cliff diving with you guys."

"She must be menstrual or something," I rolled my eyes, Jacob was nothing if not unsubtle, "because we weren't there… wait. I'll ask dad." The phone must have been placed next to Jacob's chest for I could hear his mighty heart softly thumbing. It was a strangely compelling sound. "Dad, doesn't know; he's calling Harry, he went fishing down there this afternoon. Thought he'd try out his and Harry's 'newfangled' mobiles." Said Jacob teasing his father on his latest technological breakthrough, there was a loud thud and an 'owww' as Jake no doubt got a clip around the ears.

There was the sound of Billy on the phone, Jacobs breathing picked up, his heart rate became faster and louder. "Fuck, NO!" He yelled away from the phone and the line went dead.

I looked at my phone confused, then dialed again. It too went to message bank. What the hell is going on?

I was going to call Billy but thought against it.

I would just drive home and wait… Fuck, my truck wasn't in the lot, I remembered I got a lift to school with Edward, back when the day was great.

Edward's Volvo was still there, but Emmett's Jeep and Rose's Merc were gone. I didn't have the keys to Edward's car… Fuck!

I called Dad. I would have to try and explain to him why I didn't drive to school and why my lift ditched me. I'd probably have to walk to the station and wait for ever before he was ready to take me home. What a great day this was turning out to be.

Charlie's phone went to message as well. Arghhhh!

"Dad, can you call me back when you get this, I'm kind of stranded at school. Long story." I hung up and flopped down on the school steps.

At least it wasn't raining. A splat of water hit my face. Me and my big mouth.

….

EPOV

I sat there in the room in silence, my head in my hands, I only wish I could cry, I think it might release some of the pent up emotions I have.

Carlisle checks over Riley's limp body and Mrs Biers looks daggers at me, which was positively peaceful compared with her thoughts.

Mrs Biers was a formidable woman. The best way to describe her was like a 5 foot nothing Katherine Hepburn, bun and all. Skinny as a rail, but smartly dressed. No makeup. She meant business. I had gone from being her favorite to being her most hated student in the course of the last two years as my relationship with her son developed.

She of course didn't know the details. She carefully blocked any such thoughts from her Christian fundamentalist mind. But she had guessed we were 'unhealthily close'. More than friends… she was determined to put an end to it, and this was all she needed to do it.

"How is he?" I asked Carlisle to receive a rebuking look from my fellow visitor.

Fuck her, I could have just read Carlisle's mind and left her to stew, I thought I was helping.

"It's hard to tell while he is unconscious. His physical ailments are remarkably few. A contusion on the back of his head being the most serious, but fortunately there are no blood clots. His lungs are severely irritated by the sea water; he will need oxygen for the next day till the inflammation calms down. We've given him de-contestants and are regularly draining the remaining fluid in his lungs." Carlisle filled us in with his best doctor's candor. "My main concern at the moment, and we won't know for certain until he regains consciousness, is hypoxia."

My brows knitted.

"What is that?" Mrs Biers said concerned.

"In short it's when the brain doesn't receive enough oxygen, its cells start to die. In short brain damage." Carlisle explained.

"Oh God no, anything but that…" Mrs Biers said with her perfect vowels, you would never think she was Australian, more English…

For once I totally agreed with her. Riley was not athletic, he didn't like competitive sports at all, his stimulation came from his mind. His brain was always working on something. I should know, it never ceased. If it wasn't practical then it was fiction, his vivid visions of a better world, of his future or his historical re-enactments with Jas.

I know in a second Riley would prefer to spend the rest of his life in a wheel chair then be deprived of his best asset. His entire future revolved around him using his smarts to escape the poverty he was born into. To make a difference for the community, for the world in his grander moments. It would crush him if that were to go. I think he would rather die.

"He was pulled from the water by Edward not breathing… we aren't exactly sure how long that was for." That was my fault, Emm and I were too preoccupied to count how long it all took so it was our best guess from when his mind stopped till when he came too… "Probably no more than a minute, which is good, but with that and the knock to his head… the brain is such a sensitive organism, we can't tell till he's awake and we can run tests… in short we just need to talk to him to see if any damage was done." I could tell Mrs Biers wasn't listening anymore. Her whole world seemed to be spiraling down into a void of despair…

I knew that this wasn't going to end well.

She knew she needed to focus on something or else go insane, she needed someone to blame… She blamed Riley for being so stupid, but she couldn't yell at him yet… Her malice turned like a scimitar toward me. Her eyes trained on me like lasers. If her thoughts were deeds I'd be a pile of ashes on the floor right now.

"You are responsible for this…" She said menacingly. "You made him do this. You have been poisoning him all this time."

Carlisle looked at me sympathetically and tried to intervene. "Mrs Biers, Edward saved your son's life…" he paused, he thought to himself I was also the reason for him to risk it. The thought was like a slap across the face to me. Carlisle soon continued on, to regain control of the situation. He wasn't having a scene in his hospital. "If it were not for him pulling Riley out off the water he would have drowned."

Mrs Biers was paying no attention to him. She deeply wanted to scratch my eyes out, but her years of self-control kicked in and she simply said with all the bile she could muster. "Get out… My son will never see you again. Not if I can help it."

If Carlisle's observations were a slap across the face this was a dagger straight to my heart. She meant it. Every word. She was already thinking of lawyers. Lawsuits. Moving to Seattle to get Riley away from me. Moving back to Australia. She couldn't put enough distance between us. And Riley was a minor… he had no choice but to follow her.

There was a pain in my chest like I never had experienced. I guess this is what a heart attack must feel like. It was second only in agony to the change that burned through me 86 years ago.

I didn't know what to do. I could think of nothing to say that would change her mind.

Carlisle stepped between Mrs Biers and myself looking me in the eye. He whispered to me. "She has every right as Riley's guardian to expel you from this room. It might be best if you wait outside… I'll let you know when he regains consciousness." He said it with pity in his eyes. He knew what I was feeling. But all I could think was that my father had sided with his mother to separate us. He was expelling me from taking care of the man I loved. I fled the room. If I were mortal, tears would have been streaming down my face. But as it was my eyes were dry. The only sign of my grief was my face contorted in despair.

I looked at the crowd in the waiting room. My assembled family.

My eyes passed from one to the other. Each looked harshly at me… I read each of their minds… one by one the blows came.

Emmett had been remembering the runs he and Riley used to go on to burn off the extra food I plied him with at the dinner, and Esme's side splitting meals that Riley liked so much.

Emm seemed like a dumb jock, but Riley wasn't fooled. Emmett had spent his decades in college with no discernible degree to show for it. But he had studied History, philosophy, theology, politics, poetry and much more, anything that had taken his fancy. Riley had an encyclopaedia for a mind and as they jogged they would talk for hours on end about the meaning of life, the universe, everything. They also had a similar sense of humor that bordered on the filthy at times.

Emmett glowered at me. If Riley was brain damaged that would all be gone. Emmett's one true friend in all the world gone from him and it was all my fault, because I was so 'cunt struck' to use one of Riley's Australian idioms, to see the wood from the trees.

Rose remember that Riley was the first person who had not treated her like a stuck up madam. He had ignored all her jibes and general bitchiness; knowing it was a defence mechanism. He patiently waited and persevered. Rose knew he was the only person in the world that got who she really was. And I had taken that from her. Like I had taken her life, if it weren't for me Carlisle wouldn't have changed her.

Alice remembered the wild shopping expeditions that Riley and she went on. He had excellent taste that he had inherited from his mother and apparently his father. He also was the most patient person I had ever met. He would spend hours at malls with Alice as she tried on dresses and shoes and bags and hats… always with a helpful comment or a down right bitchy one if he was in a teasing mood.

But he also refused expensive presents, there was always a running battle between him and Alice when they came home about the expensive something he would have looked perfect in but he wouldn't let her buy it for him. I had never know someone harder to buy a present for. It wasn't just his pride, nor that he didn't want to be kept by us. He wanted to prove he could climb out of poverty without help… well without gifts. (Of course birthdays and Christmas were exceptions so we went completely over the top.)

Along these lines he had introduced her to second hand stores and she had fallen in love with them, always eager for a bargain. They would arrive home with the boot full of old crap that Alice would spend the rest of the week turning into treasures to sell on eBay. Or place around the house if she particularly liked them… Who would shop with her now? She didn't hate me, she felt sorry for me in a way, but she didn't know if she could ever forgive me, completely.

Jasper was heartbroken. He looked as miserable as I felt. Not only the history and military debates; finally, an equal to spar with. The dioramas they built and battles they re-fought. Napoleon never lost Waterloo while Riley was around, the arch Francophile he was.

But then there was the secret Jasper kept hidden from everyone but the one person he couldn't hide it from… Me.

He loved Riley as much as he loved Alice. Not in the same way. But deeply and truly. He had longed for it to go beyond the friendship they had… He could have just used his powers to seduce him. Being around Riley was torture at times, but his respect for Alice and Riley meant that he never pursued the idea.

All that could now be gone… if he was brain damaged would he be the same? Had his chance of a soulmate gone forever because of my stupidity. Jasper didn't hate me either... He had made many bad decisions in his life and he knew he would be a hypocrite to judge me. But he was so very very disappointed in me.

Then there was Esme. My loving mother. She had thought of Riley as another son. Their discussions about architecture had lasted for hours. Her hatred for Frank Lloyd Wright (whom she had briefly worked with at Taliesin and whom she thought was a dirty old man) sparked huge debates as Riley worshiped him. At the end of the day neither gave ground but both had to respect the others arguments.

If he was no longer who he was, would that be gone too?

She looked at me with such sorrow and disappointment. Her heart went out to me for my suffering, but she also knew I had hurt her with my carelessness, hurt her family. A similar carelessness I had shown all those years ago when I rebelled against their way of life… she would eventually forgive me. She was an infinitely forgiving and loving person. But the look of disappointment in her eyes crushed my soul and shredded my heart.

I fled the room, I couldn't stay there with this Kangaroo court that had already decided I was guilty… the worst thing was… I knew they were right.

I careered through the corridors of the hospital and out the doors… I just needed to get out of here.

A thought flashed through my mind… the Volturi… the only way to pay for my crime would be to end my life. Forfeit my soul and burn in hell forever.

If Riley was damaged because of me, unable to love me, I would go to Italy and beg to be realised from my binds… to pay for my crime.

As I crossed the parking lot I was paying no attention to what I was doing and I collided with a small elderly man, knocking him from his feet.

I instinctively bent down to help him up, checking if he was all right… I couldn't handle being responsible for another accident.

I gazed at the man… He was small and round, in his seventies and wearing a dog collar. It was Rev Ryan, the minister from the Congregationalist church that Riley had taken me to two Christmases ago. Who after some strategic prodding from Riley had opened my eyes to seeing that maybe I wasn't damned; at least before today.

Our family had become close friends with this spry Irish minister whose quick wit had everyone rolling in the isle; but who used his touch of the blarney to convey serious messages about what we should be doing to each other on this planet and what God really was all about.

I apologised profusely, but as was typical of this wonderful man he dusted himself of, quipped a joke that I didn't get and then posed a question to me. He was no fool. He knew I was devastated, he also knew very well the relationship I had with Riley; yet his sense of propriety never broached the subject. He knew one day when we were ready we would come and talk to him about it. And he would pronounce it blessed; in spite of what the church authorities said.

I remember one of his sermons "When the Lord told us to love one another, he never bothered to define that love… so how dare we." This was 6 months ago when the people in Forks were campaigning for a constitutional amendment to make marriage ONLY between a man and a woman. It made him no friends, but he gained a huge amount of respect for his courage.

I now knew why he was here. He was Riley's minister, he was to come to give spiritual sustenance to Mrs Biers and Riley if he awoke, or prey for him if he didn't.

He knew… and he knew in part why I fled. My lover might be at deaths door and I had been expelled by his mother. I wondered if he knew I was the cause of all this, would he be so caring? I made to walk off but he was having none of that.

"Slow down boyo and let an old man get a word in." he said grabbing my arm with surprising strength for his age. I knew he still enjoyed boxing. He and Billy Black used to spar before the later was confined to a wheelchair. He taught boxing and Pugilism among other things down on the reservation. It was where he met Mrs Biers, who while recovering from cancer and unable to work volunteered to teach afterschool music down there, and Riley, who escorted her and in his typically generous way helped the kids with their homework, which lead to him tutoring them in History and English for next to nothing… that's how he became friends with Jacob and the wolves.

After first meeting the Reverend, the Biers changed churches immediately and never had been happier.

"Now, I can guess why you're in a flap, but is there anything I can do… talk some sense into a certain opinionated person maybe." I smiled. It was all the confirmation he needed. "But there's more isn't there… you blame yourself don't you… he wasn't cliff jumping. Young Swatty Riley? Never! You had had an argument hadn't you?"

I moved to open my mouth but he raised his hand to silence me.

"There'll be plenty of time to talk about who's to blame when he's better. My god, the weight you must be carrying around with you… Atlas couldn't have held it up… You need to get rid of it laddie or it'll eat you up inside." He poked my chest in a friendly way.

I shook my head… how could I.

"Do you remember what I said the first time we met, that Christmas eve two Christmases ago… you were interested in whether there was any crime that God would never forgive… Riley as I can remember did all the talking as usual, he's a brave lad; you if I may recall were too frightened to ask."

If I were human I would have blushed at the memory.

"And do you remember what I said? I said "God is love, Jesus died so we would have that. If you are repentant of your sins, and believe in the love of the Lord, then you could have killed a thousand people and God would forgive you." He looked, tilted his head so he could look at my downcast eyes, being so short had its advantages for him.

"So then… how about we have a little prayer and you can be on your way and pass all that load on your shoulders up to one who has strength enough to carry it for you."

I nodded. We walked over and sat down under the one tree in the lot. As he was about to start I interrupted.

"Reverend." He scowled at me. "Mike." It still felt uncomfortable to call a man of God by his Christian name but still, I had bigger problems to worry about. "Can you pray for Riley instead?"

He looked confused. Then he realised. "You still think you are too far gone, that God won't even listen to you… worse; that you might even tempt his wrath into doing the opposite of what you asked…" he saw through me so well. "And I see you still want to drag that burden around for a bit longer… as punishment. You have that martyred look about you." He saw through me all too well. "Well I tell you what. We'll BOTH pray for Riley, and I'll say a little prayer later, for you. You know, even though you're going about it cart first your trying to live the word, putting others before yourself. You just like to do it in such a damned… theatrical way." A quick smile flashed across his face.

We bowed our heads and he prayed for Riley. I silently prayed, begging God to punish me to spare Riley. I deserved it, he didn't.

When we finished he rose and squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. "You have a surprisingly low body temperature Master Cullen…" All the air suddenly escaped my lungs. "You see you hang around the Red fella's enough and drink whisky with them till God knows when in the morning, you hear all sorts of strange things."

A wave of panic flooded through me. He saw it.

"Don't worry, as the wise man said 'there are more things on heaven and earth then are dreamt of in your philosophy Horatio…' I'll make that a prayer for you a goodn', just to make sure." He winked at me and toddled off leaving me sitting there in a stupor.

"Oh and don't be sitting there too long. I'm sure Riley will be wanting to speak with you when he's up to it." he called over his shoulder.

All I could do is get up and follow him into the hospital in a daze.

JacobPOV

I ran into the hospital from where Dad had dropped me off. I asked at every station were Riley Biers was and they directed me to the second floor waiting room.

The smell of leeches greeted me before I even opened the door.

Trust them to be here. It was getting mixed up with them that caused this… I knew it in my gut. They were bad news. I had told Riley that. But he was too cock struck on that leech to think straight. Now look what had happened.

"You Leeches just can't leave him alone." I couldn't help spitting out.

"Heal Goofy." The leggy blond leach hissed.

Another leech cleared his throat loudly and I turned toward him, it was Edward. I paled, standing next to him was Rev. Ryan. God, we nearly let the cat out of the bag.

"Well, obviously you lot seem determined to have a donnybrook, so I'll leave you to it and go and comfort Mrs Biers. I'd have about as much luck getting peace here as in Palestine." Rev. Ryan said shaking his head with a smile and toddled off into the room where Riley lay.

"Can't control yourself, like an incontinent puppy." Said the big leech.

"Keep that up and you'll be peeing through a catheter." I shot back. He raised his hands in the air and did the 'Ewww I'm scared' imitation.

I looked back at Edward… I couldn't be bother wasting time on the others, later maybe… I had a few choice things to say to the guy that had done this to Riley.

"You… I'm surprised yon have the nerve to show your face in here after what you did." I shoot at him, closing the distance between us. I was expecting Edward to return serve, but he just squirmed uncomfortably… good he's guilty. That will make this more fun.

"You just couldn't keep your blood sucking hands of either of them… Riley then Bella. What is it with you? And then you crushed him. Did you enjoy that? What have you got planed for Bella? Or is this some passive aggressive shit to get at me… because if it's a war with the pack you want, you'll get it, treaty or no…" I was now right in Edward's face. He normally would have retaliated, but he just looked at me. He hated me with every fibre of his being, but there was no passion in it. As if he was depleted, spent.

"Does Bella know what you got up to with Riley? Mmmm? Bet she wouldn't be so happy to jump in the sack with you when she finds out where it's been." I said obviously looking down at his crotch. That hit home, finally he looked like he wanted to rip me apart.

"Hey Mutt…" said the big leech "I wouldn't go talking too loud about things like that… there are a few choice things that we know about you that your little poodle buddies might not take to well to." I froze and then swung round to glare at him.

"What do you mean?" I fumed.

"You know exactly what I mean… talk about a hypocrite. You start spreading shit on us and we'll bury you in it."

He was serious… I couldn't believe it… how did he? How could they? I must have expressed some of these incoherent sentences because the big leech responded.

"Riley told Edward and Edward told us…"

"He told you…" I pivoted back to Edward seething.

"We are partners, we tell each other everything…" Edward said suddenly smugly, he had found my Achilles heal and he was going to exploit it the son of a bitch…

The big leech joined in… "Yea and since we're all family, he told us… especially when YOU were busy fucking up Edwards life… seems what goes around comes around." He said with an evil grin.

I was about to launch myself at the big leech when a strong hand descended on my shoulder. I swung round ready to deck whoever it was when I saw it was Dr Cullen with Dad next to him. He griped my shoulder like a vice, but there was nothing threatening in it, just an unshakable force.

"This is a hospital full of sick people. If you want to start a bar brawl go find one… that goes for all of you." Carlisle said scanning the room. The big leech deflated somewhat.

I went to protest but dad chimed in. "Jake, shut it… you're here to see how your friend is doing not start World War 3." I backed down.

"Jacob, I was just telling your father Riley's prognosis. He's seems ok, but we don't know if he has suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen. We will only really know when he wakes up and we can talk to him. We'll let you know when that happens" Said Dr Cullen in a professional manner as if the near brawl never happened. I nodded thanks.

"Good, that being said, I think we should get some fresh air, it's getting stale in here." Said Billy looking at the leeches and I fell in behind him.

As we were about to leave the room our path was blocked.

EPOV

Today was just getting worse. The Reverend knows our secret, then of all people Jacob Black turns up and starts acting like an ass hole.

I'm not up to fighting, I just can't focus. He tries his hardest to rile me into striking, but unfortunately I agree with everything he says. He's right. It is all my fault.

Fortunately Emm comes to my rescue. I know it's because he hates Jacob more than me; slightly more than me, but it's enough. He calls him on what we know and have kept quiet about because we don't deal in smut and also we don't want innocent people getting hurt. Who would it advantage? Despite disliking the wolves we don't really hate them… not with a passion… all the time. Or if I'm honest; it was really Riley that stopped us…

Carlisle then comes and brings order, and Billy Black rains in his errant son. Carlisle informs them all we know and they leave with a characteristic lack of grace.

Just as I am about to take a deep breath of gratitude that that is over I hear Chief Swan's voice talking to the nurse in the corridor… oh great, just what we need. An integration by him. Just great. Today couldn't get any worse…

I had to open my big mouth!

Just as Billy and Jacob are leaving their exit is blocked by Charlie, he steps aside to let Billy through and there standing in front of Billy in the doorway is… Bella…

Fuck!

No, no. No No no. NO! I can't deal with her right now. I know I need to talk to her, but it's just too soon, I need to think this through. I need to talk to Riley. I need… time.

"Edward!" she half yells relieved… "I've been calling and calling, what's going on."

I can't believe that Charlie didn't inform her of the basics… she knows Riley is my best friend, can't she work it out, does she need a dammed map? I am in no mood for this. Then I see the looks all my family are giving her, from Alice's cold indifference to Jasper's blind hatred. She has no idea what she has just stepped into. I feel sorry for her, it wasn't her fault. It was mine, now she is getting blamed along with me.

Carlisle takes Charlie out of the room, he's going to talk to him and try and get him to drop any formal investigation. He can question to get the story straight in his head, fine, but nothing in writing. Too many people will be hurt. I silently wish him luck, but then I see Bella and realize I need all the luck I can get myself.

She comes over to me. I can't meet her eyes.

"Edward, what is it? What going on..." she says.

"I, cant, not now… it's all too soon." I say pathetically, still not meeting her gaze.

"Edward, we need to talk… what you said this morning. It doesn't make sense. We really need to talk about it."

"OK, but not now." I plead.

"Fine, I'll talk to you later tonight."

"No, I need to stay here in case Riley regains consciousness."

"Then Tomorrow." She says getting angry.

"Tomorrow afternoon, after school." I try and negotiate…

She nods. Realizing she won't get any more out of me she looks around obviously for Jacob, he's gone. She turns to me. "After school" she says. And then heads off out the door to find Jacob.

I breathe a sigh of relief, but too soon.

"Why the fuck didn't you just tell that slut to fuck off." Growled Emmett glaring at me.

I don't meet his gaze. I can't tell him how complicated it is. How my feelings for Bella are still there, they have just been overwhelmed by my resurfaced feeling for Riley.

"You still like her don't you." Said Emm stalking over to me menacingly.

I avert my gaze. Its confirmation enough for Emmett. There is only a micro second between the thought and the action; Emm is getting much better at surprising me. I could still have moved out of the way of his swinging fist, but I kind of thought I deserved it. His fist impacts on my check which fractures and I get launched across the room to collide with and completely crush a coffee table.

The cracks in my check rapidly disappear and I sit up in the pile of debris, expecting Emm to continue his attack, but Jasper has him in an arm lock.

"Enough." Jasper says firmly, sending out a wave of calm to everyone in the room.

Emmett puts up his hands in surrender. He thinks he can wait till we get home to finish this.

Just then Carlisle and Charlie walk in.

"Alright Boy's, that's enough. I have a good mind to arrest the both of you." Yells Charlie.

"Jasper, take Emmett out to get some fresh air." Carlisle orders, Jasper nods and escorts Emmett out of the room. "Alice could you take Edward to the nurses station and make sure he's alright." She unnecessarily helps me up. And we walk out of the room.

"I'm sure you could have avoided that." She whispers to me. "Guess you thought you deserved it." I let out a sob. She rubs my arm. "Poor Edward, this isn't going to be easy for you."

RPOV

Thursday 10pm

I lay there. My head is pounding, I have only had a hangover a couple of times in my life and this by far was the worst! My eyes seem stuck together and try as I might I couldn't find the strength to open them... this is bad. I can't even remember going to a party. That was a bad sign.

Then it slowly came back. What Edward had said. The drive. The cliff. The water… was I dead? Was this what death was? Darkness and pain. Maybe I was in hell? Too bad Rev Ryan wasn't here to talk to about it. Not what I pictured. But then I didn't believe in hell. Ironical really.

I wondered if this was hell should I open my eyes or would it be better to keep them closed for as long as possible... Screw that, I'd face it like I faced every challenge in life. I summoned up the strength and finally managed to crack my eyes open. I was blinded by a bright white light.

That's strange, hell bright and light... might be heaven? This is getting weird.

A figure swam into my view. It was very pale and dressed all in white. It had bright blond hair which in the light seemed almost luminescent. An Angel? Certainly looked like one.

Was this judgment day? Did I have to stand answerable for my sins, or had that already been taken care of automatically and I was in heaven proper? Fascinating. I was about to ask what was going on when the angel spoke… The voice sounded familiar. It sounded like… Carlisle?

I strained my eyes as hard as I could and the figure came into slightly better focus, though it was hard to concentrate on it for some reason, my vision kept swimming all over the place. I could just make out I was in a room and there was another person here. I tried to focus on the figure. It had a finger in my face which was a little rude, I slowly made out… yes it was… Carlisle. I was in a room with Carlisle… I'm not dead… I'm in hospital.

I tried to make out what Carlisle was saying, I heard 'concussed'. That's about it.

Then I heard another familiar voice… from the other figure… it was… Mum!

I'm in a room, in hospital with Carlisle and Mum and I'm... so screwed.

Everything went black again.

….

Friday 9pm

God my head was still pounding. It took me a while to remember why. Guess this is what I deserve, can't even kill myself. What a fuck up. Should have taken tablets or something. Damn… Then I remember… the kiss!

No, it must have been a dream, there is no way that Edward Cullen after what he had said and done kissed me on a beach, no way, no how. Not in this life.

I must have been stirring because I could hear Carlisle talking to my mother. Fuck I just want to sleep and wake up when it's a new millennium… only problem is Edward would still be there, hating me. This is all so fucked.

They kept prattling on and I realized all I could do was man up and face the music. I can always try again right? This time think a bit more about execution… oh there's a pun for you. Here I am completely fucked and I can still crack 'em.

So I crack my eyes open. It's still too bright in here, but not as bad as before. Carlisle notices my movements and comes over. I can focus on him better now.

"Well, how's our patient." He says kindly.

"I" fuck, was that my voice? It sounded like an oven being dragged down a gravel road by a truck with flat tires. God my throat was dry and sore. And now my lungs felt like they were on fire. "I'm fine." I lied, anything to get everyone off my back.

"That's good." Said Carlisle.

"Ooh Riley, I was so worried." Mum wails and grabs my hand. This brings tears to my eyes that sting like mad… I really didn't want to hurt her. Fuck. I can't get anything right.

"Now I'm going to ask you some questions and do some tests to see how you are." Said Carlisle calmly. "What's your name?"

"Riley Anthony Biers."

"When were you born?"

"26th January 1988, Australia's bicentenary." Carlisle smiled with his eyes and they glittered gold.

"Who is the President?" As Carlisle does this he moves his finger around my vision and back and forwards no doubt looking at my eye movements.

I look at Mum and she glowers at me… like I would use profanity at a time like this… ok when it comes to President Doofus…

"George W. Bush." I say, the name leaving a bad taste in my mouth. "And thank God we only have 3 years, 10 months and… I can't remember how many days left of him." I start to panic… I can't remember how many days… but then I don't know what day it is. It was Thursday the 10th when I jumped… Carlisle saw my concern. "I can't remember how many days…. What day is it again? How long have I been… like this?"

"It's Friday night… do you remember the date?"

"That would make it the 11th, which means its 3 years, 10 months and 9 days to put up with that Fu…" my voice dies away as Mum glowers. "Till we have a new President… baring impeachment." I tried to smile at the thought but it didn't really work. Carlisle returned my smile.

"Well Mrs Biers, it seems there is no mental damage…. Riley is firing on all cylinders."

"Oh thank God." Mum cries again.

"I'd like to keep him in for another day on so for observations just to make sure. You should have him back by end of weekend."

"Thank goodness."

Yea great, I can imagine I'll be Sunday roast, I have no idea what spin I can put on this to get out of what are going to be massive ramifications.

Mum turns to me. "You had me so worried… how could you do such a thing, how could you be so stupid…" her voice was rising. Oh fuck, can't I have just one day of peace.

"I'm sorry." I choke out before the sobs start to overwhelm me. Tears begin to stream down my face… God I'm such a fuck up.

Carlisle notes my distress "Mrs Biers, there will be plenty of time to discuss actions and motivations in the weeks to come. Right now Riley needs plenty of rest to recover. He still is concussed and his lungs are inflamed." Carlisle come to my rescue like a knight on a white steed. "Now, can I suggest you have been up two days straight, why not go home and have a rest? Riley will most likely be sleeping most of tonight. He'll be more up to talking tomorrow." Said Carlisle.

Mum glowered at him but he showed an impenetrable wall of authority.

"The next few weeks he's going to need some care and you won't be able to help him if you are exhausted." Carlisle gently places his hand on her arm as if to say she is leaving.

"Ok, get some sleep darling and I'll be back tomorrow." She pushes past Carlisle and kisses my forehead. "Love you." Then leaves before he can escort her. I thank Carlisle with my eyes.

When she has gone Carlisle turns back to me and smiles. "You had us worried there." He says gently.

"I'm so sorry." I choke out and the sobs start up again.

He places a calming hand on my arm. "I didn't mean that… we can talk about that later when you are feeling better. We were just concerned for your health." I try to smile.

He continued. "Edward has been outside waiting for you…" my heart missed a beat… "He would have been in here but your mother threw him out."

"He…" I didn't know what to say… 'He cares?" is all I can think of.

"He's the one that pulled you out. Gave you CPR. He saved your life."

After ripping it up in the first place, I think bitterly… what does he want a gold award now? What does he want anyway? Then I remember the… KISS!

"Carlisle… I don't know how to put this… I can't remember the beach that well. Ummm. Was… Did Edward save me because he felt…" say it Riley "Guilty." There was a pain in my chest. "Or…. Does he still have… feelings for me?"

"I wasn't there when you were conscious, but all I know is that he hasn't left your side until your mother ordered him out, and… well Chief Swan told me in confidence, because he thought a father should know what his son was up to… He kissed you on the beach, and it wasn't the kiss of life."

My heart missed another beat, then fluttered and then decided to make up for the missed beats by pounding out of my chest… all I could think of, all I had running through my head was that 'he kissed me, he kissed me… Edward kissed me…"

Carlisle smiled at my obvious mental struggle. "I'll leave you to process it." He said turning to leave.

"Carlisle…" I said urgently. He stopped and turned. "Can I see him?"

"Your Mother forbade it… in fact she has said firmly you will never see Edward again." My heart stopped. The pain in my head and chest and throat were gone. My heart had just stopped and it hurt like a mother fucker. I couldn't breathe properly… I had a terrible feeling of falling and there was a sinking and churning feeling in my stomach… No this couldn't happen. I couldn't get him back only to have it all ruined… tears began running down my face again.

"Please." I managed to whimper.

Carlisle looked at me concerned then his eyes softened. "It's getting late, and it's dark out." No no no, he's not going to try and get me to sleep, I need to see Edward, I need to hear from him that everything is alright… that we are going to go back to the way we were. I start shaking my head. Carlisle continue as he walks over to the window. "Before I leave you for the night to get some rest, I might just open this so you can get some fresh air." I'm still panicking, I don't follow, like I care about fresh air at a time like this… Then I see there is a twinkle in his eye. I could kiss him. He smiles and leaves the room turning the overhead light out and just leaving the bedside one on.

I try and compose myself… my heart is running away from me… there is so much I need to ask him, so much we need to talk about. The stabbing pain returns to my head… fuck... I can't think straight. There is a lot we have to talk about. I can't just pretend that none of this happened. We are both in a hell of a lot of trouble. And I need to know about Bella… this needs to be sorted.

The curtains flutter and suddenly there he is. Standing sheepishly, just as he did 2 years ago when I caught him in my room for the first time. I nearly passed out with excitement then, and it's the same now… He so tall, and handsome as hell. He's so bad, but he does it so well… mmm good lyrics for a song?

"Edward." I say longingly and try to raise my arm to beckon him. He notices my struggle and is by the bed before I can blink an eye.

"I'm Sorry, I'm SO sorry…" Edward moaned, if he were human he would be streaming tears. My heart almost broke.

My head began to throb worse than before. "Edward… I can't do this now… I… there are so many things I need to say, so many questions I need to ask… but I can't get my mind round them."

"I understand…" He looked like a broken man. He went to leave.

"Edward… stay… please." A genuine smile graced his face. "Your mother has forbidden it." That crooked smile of his again… ahhh!

"We'll have to do something about that." Edward went to protest but the tone in my voice had left no doubts, I would not lose him again because of my mother or anyone. Yes we had stuff to work out. I just hoped that he could find his path, decide to let Bella go and be with me.

He stood there in silence, no doubt reading my mind that was a tangled mess of conflicting thoughts. I wish I could tidy it up for him, but everything had happened so fast.

I noticed he was standing as close as he could to the bed, but he hadn't touched me. He must have heard the thought.

"I don't deserve to." He said his head slumping.

"Please." I said imploringly and shifted my hand on the bed so it came to within an inch of his. He reached out and took it. A shot of electricity ran up my arm. Even though his hand was ice cold it warmed me so much. I had missed this… It had been a week and a half since we touched… but it seemed like an eternity.

He gazed into my eyes and I could see the inner torment he was going through.

I didn't want to add to it but I had to find out one thing.

"Carlisle says that on the beach you..." I couldn't finish the sentence, I said the words in my mind 'kissed me'

"I'm sorry, I had no right to. I just… I had to show you… I had to touch you. To see you were real. To let you know how sorry I was." He went to pull his hand away but I tightened my grip.

It had been also a week and a half since he kissed me. God I missed that. I missed how we used to be. How we were so free around each other. How we could go from friendship to intimacy and back to friendship effortlessly. Everything seemed natural between us. Like breathing. But not now. Everything had changed… we had changed. Bloody Bella.

Edward winced slightly. I hadn't meant to, but I had stumbled on something. Edward still had feelings for her… I stopped breathing the pain in my heart was so great. I wanted to drop his hand like a hot potatoes. I wanted to yell at him. But I couldn't. Because I also wanted his touch so badly.

Edward heard my inner struggle. His eyes said it all. His lips didn't need to move. He was so sorry for what he did. That he couldn't sort this out immediately. That he didn't know what he was doing.

I rubbed my thumb on his finger. It was a simple gesture but I hoped it conveyed what I couldn't yet say in words. I forgave him. I had no choice. He was my life.

"Can you stay the night… like you used to?" I ask.

"Your mother…"

"She's gone home to rest… she won't be back till morning… she won't know. Please?" Edward gave a tight smile. He pulled up a chair in answer to me and sat.

"In the morning I want you to go home and get some rest." I continued.

He snorted. "You know I don't need to sleep."

"But your heart and head need to rest. You look worn out… You should write something, composing always relaxes you."

"I can't concentrate."

"You need to. You need to get your mind off this and let your subconscious give you the answer. I'll be sleeping, that's easy for me. You need to distract yourself. Because when I get out of here we will need to have a serious talk." He nodded in response. He knew I was right.

"I expect it will be your magnum opus… most composers wrote their greatest works in times of stress." I added.

"No it won't be my Magnum Opus… that will only occur the day; if you'll have me, that we start to spend for ever with each other…" Edward said it as a thinly vailed suggestion. His eyes bored into me wanting an answer. My heart stopped. All I heard was 'for ever' my heart then started with a vengeance like it was beating out of my chest… this is what I wanted to hear for two years now, I so want to say yes, but something stops me.

"Edward," I say trying to contain myself. "I can't say, TODAY, what you want me to… unless you are an inveterate liar you really had feelings for Bella." Edward's eyes immediately dropped to the floor, apparently unable to keep eye contact with me. I had hit on the truth. "We will need to talk about that. A lot." I said. Edward appeared to visibly crumble in front of me. My heart went out to him, but I knew that this needed to be sorted right or it would fester.

My subconscious had time to sort out some things while I was in this bed, I had stopped hating Bella. It wasn't her fault. As far as I could see she would be an innocent victim of all of this. I couldn't in all conscience let this go on any longer. When I was well enough we needed to sort this out.

But I so wanted to throw my arms around Edward and feel his lips on mine again. I had to do something. It took me all my strength to contain my words to the bear minimum he needed to hear… the absolute, undeniable, put my hand on a stack of bibles, truth.

"Edward…" I said and paused and waited till he nervously glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes through his so, so long lashes, his head still lowered.

"Edward… What I WILL say is… I... Still… Love you…"

 **End Notes.**

 **Sorry everyone that this hasn't ended neatly, but the two boys are in a whole heap of trouble and I can't get them out of it in just 9,000 words without it being rushed (Not saying that they will get out of it, that would give the plot away) also, this certainly isn't the end, not even the beginning of the end, but it is perhaps the end of the beginning?**

 **I also wanted to include Bella's point of view because she got a bad rap from the last chapter and while she may be irritating I never had her down as a romance wrecker.**

 **What did you think of Jacob's point of view? Anyone guessed what his secret is?**

 **I'm writing the next chapter as we speak so I hope to post before Christmas, because I want to know what's going to happen as much as you do. My musical muse has helped again, a certain song by Hozier… not wanting to give too much away ;-)**


	3. Chapter 3

_**No sweeter innocence then our gentle sin.**_

 _ **Riley is recovering in hospital but still has to face the consequences of his actions…**_

 _ **Edward must decide whether he can let Bella go.**_

 _ **Jake's world is spinning out of control too.**_

 _ **Will the Boy's love hold true of is it all just too much to hope for?**_

 _ **Chapter Notes:**_

 _ **Here it is the next chapter to "I Hope You Had the Time of your life"**_

 _ **Edwards soundtrack for this chapter is "the Reason" by Hoobastank lyrics below. And Riley's is "Take Me to Church" by Hozier, which I know is an anti-Church song but I use it in this chapter mainly as a metaphor on the difficulties of coming out.**_

 _ **Enjoy…**_

 _ **See end for more notes -**_

 **"Take Me To Church" by Hozier**

My lover's got humour  
She's the giggle at a funeral  
Knows everybody's disapproval  
I should've worshipped her sooner

If the heavens ever did speak  
She's the last true mouthpiece  
Every Sunday's getting more bleak  
A fresh poison each week

"We were born sick," you heard them say it

My church offers no absolutes  
She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom."  
The only heaven I'll be sent to  
Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick  
But I love it  
Command me to be well  
Aaay. Amen. Amen. Amen.

 _[Chorus 2x:]_  
Take me to church  
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life

If I'm a pagan of the good times  
My lover's the sunlight  
To keep the Goddess on my side  
She demands a sacrifice

Drain the whole sea  
Get something shiny  
Something meaty for the main course  
That's a fine-looking high horse  
What you got in the stable?  
We've a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty  
That looks plenty  
This is hungry work

 _[Chorus 2x:]_  
Take me to church  
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me my deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life

No Masters or Kings  
When the Ritual begins  
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene  
Only then I am human  
Only then I am clean  
Ooh oh. Amen. Amen. Amen.

 _[Chorus 2x:]_  
Take me to church  
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life

Jeff Buckley Halleluliah

Well I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
Well it goes like this:  
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya  
She tied you to her kitchen chair  
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

But baby I've been here before  
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor  
You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya  
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
And love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show that to me do ya  
But remember when I moved in you  
And the holy dove was moving too  
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above  
But all I've ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya

And it's not a cry that you hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Read more: Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Hoobstank "the Reason"

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

Epov

Riley was sleeping peacefully, my hand still in his, the way it should be. It just felt right.

I heard the nurse coming along the corridor and new that I had only a few moments.

I whispered in Riley's ear. "I've got go…" he stirred a bit. I then leant over and placed my lips on his hot forehead… I wanted to touch his lips, but it was too soon for that. Riley had made that clear last night. I then was out of the window in a blur.

….

Emmett and I sat awkwardly in Carlisle's office… the only place where we were guaranteed privacy. Carlisle sat behind his desk his fingers templed in front of him and the Chief stood; he was too uncomfortable to sit, even though Carlisle invited him to when we entered.

"Now boys, I have had a talk with your father… It seems that Biers will make a full recovery, and since no one was hurt it seems like a waste of tax payer's money to have an investigation. So I just want to get a few things straight in my head before you can go." The Chief said pacing slightly.

Emm breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad for Riley. The last thing he needed was to be dragged through an investigation. No wonder most suicides try it again. A less sensitive police Chief would have dragged Riley through the mud and he might think… I stopped there. I didn't want to even contemplate it.

"Now I hear there was a set-to at school on Thursday morning." The Chief continued.

I winced at the memory of what I said to Riley… what was I thinking… that's just it, I wasn't.

"Yes Sir, Riley and I had a disagreement." I said… I was going to do everything I could to keep Bella out of this. She hadn't told her father about us, and I'm sure that if he found out there would be an inquest this afternoon.

"You had a disagreement in your… err… relationship." He was so uncomfortable saying that. Not that he was homophobic or anything, he probably would have been this way if it were me and a girl. He just didn't want to go here.

"Yes sir… Riley thought I was… seeing someone else." Emm let out a humph and I shot him a death glare.

The noise wasn't lost on the Chief. "And were you?" he asked

This was getting uncomfortable. "No sir…" Emm shot me a filthy look, again not missed by the Chief… for Christ sake Emm what are you trying to do? But I knew exactly what he was trying to do… I need to be candid about this. "Nothing serious… just a friend." Emm snorted. "Well, maybe more than a friend but nothing has happened, we haven't even kissed." I said looking at Emm he looked sceptical.

"Can you give me his name?" asked the Chief.

"I'd rather not sir, none of this is HER fault and I don't want her caught up in my stupid actions." The pronoun surprised the Chief. I could see him running 'her' through his mind; surprised, thinking I must swing both ways. He was too embarrassed to mention it.

"SHE," he emphasised still trying to work it out. "had nothing to do with this?"

I glared at Emm begging him not to start. He looked at me, nodded and thought, 'I'll get you later, when there will be no witnesses'. I nodded in reply in thanks trying to ignore the threat, all this happened faster than the human eye could have perceived.

"No sir. She didn't know that I was with Riley… we haven't come out. We were waiting till college. We didn't want to hurt people."

The Chief looked at me closely, up till now I had got along well with him because I along with Emm Jasper and Riley were the only boys in the town not to be on his watch list as trouble makers, He wasn't sure now if he liked me much. "OK… no sense in bringing in innocent people…"

"So this argument was the reason why Biers did what he did?"

"Yes sir." I said guiltily, it wasn't lost on the Chief.

"There's no other reason that you can think of why he did it."

"No sir."

The Chief processed this. He was trying to assess the likelihood of Riley trying again.

"Do you have anything to add?" he asked Emm.

I looked at Emm pleadingly. He stared coldly at me.

"Other than my brother is the world's biggest dick head, no… Sir." Charlie smiled at this, and I thanked Emm with my eyes.

The Chief turned to address Carlisle "Ok, well that just about does it… you noticed I wasn't recording any of this. I think the family wants the official story to be 'cliff diving' and as long as Biers isn't a risk to himself, I won't officially contradict that." Carlisle looked thankful. He then turned to me. "But you better sort it out between you, Riley and this girl, because if anything like this happens again on my watch, I'm gunna throw the book on you." He stared at me as though this was a promise not a threat.

"Yes sir, I'm seeing her this afternoon to clear it up." I added.

"Good… try and do it a bit more subtly, I don't want to have to fish her out of the drink." Charlie said, he had no idea how much that statement applied to him. He leant over and shook Carlisle's hand and then left the room. We all breathed a sigh of relief.

"He's right Edward… you should be careful what you say to Bella… you can't read her thoughts; this time you might not be so lucky." Said Carlisle; I was all too aware of this.

"Who the fuck cares, just do it!" said Emm getting up and storming out. Carlisle shook his head.

"Edward, you might as well go home, Mrs Biers has refused to let any of us but me talk to Riley." Carlisle advised… it still hurt. I nodded and got up. "oh, and can you get Rose to send Emm back in here I want to have a talk with him." I knew what it was about. Emm was just waiting to get me alone in private so he could show me the business end of a redwood.

I complied and went out; everyone was getting ready to leave after hearing the good news about the Chief and knowing they wouldn't be able to speak to Riley till he was back at school. But they were all just relieved he was going to be ok, his old self.

I went over and whispered to Rose, who went and grabbed Emm by the ear and dragged him crying in pain into Carlisle office… why Emm put up with her, sometimes was beyond me.

Emmett was thrown bodily into Carlisle office by Rose who closed the door after him. I couldn't help eavesdropping.

"Thank you Emmett." Said Carlisle ignoring the display, he was used to it.

"Like I had a lot of choice." he said rubbing his ear and thinking of a revenge.

"Emmett, I want you to leave Edward alone…" Emm glared at Carlisle. "I mean it. This isn't easy for him; he's trying to work his way through this… just give him some time to do the right thing."

"Time? Fuck Carlisle he's playing fast and loose with both of them… this needs to stop now before it destroys Riley."

"And killing your brother will help Riley how? You think he will thank you for killing his mate?"

Emmett let out a loud humph and crossed his arms.

"Emmett. Just give them time. I know Edward can be… difficult… this whole incident has been most disappointing… and I shall be having words with him about it. But, for Riley's sake, just let them sort it out."

"OK… but if he hurts Riley again all bets are off. Someone's got to stick up for the little dude's interests." Emm said got up and stalked out.

….

I did as Riley had suggested last night. When I went back home I sat at the piano with a full sheaf of music paper, a set of pencils and a sharpener on the small table next to it.

I tried a few cords until I got the right one, then I began. Strumming occasionally, but mainly just using my inner tonality. My hand scratched notes faster than the eye could see, I went through page after page. If I made a mistake or didn't like something I'd just scrunch the paper up and start again, I had learnt that when I was pouring my soul into a composition not to waste time rewriting or working out exactly what didn't work. Just go back to the last bit that did and start again.

I was completely lost. My broken heart and my tortured soul flying onto the page. Yet there was an underlying melody, lighter, sweeter, a hint of hope for what might happen if Riley and I could get back what we had. It was like Riley's theme from his sonata but more ephemeral, like our relationship now, gossamer thin and stretched to tearing, but its material was still withstanding the tempest it was being buffeted by.

Time meant nothing when I was like this. Before Riley came along, when not at school, whole days could pass unnoticed, once even a week and I didn't pay heed. Only finally the burning in my throat for blood stopped my scribbling and forced me to take stock of the world beyond the piano and paper.

I was interrupted by my phone ringing. I would normal ignore it, but I thought it might be about Riley so I pulled it from my pocket and looked at the number…

Fuck, I had completely forgot… Bella.

I timidly answered it.

"Bella?"

"Where the hell are you, we said 4:30 outside school, it's now 5:00… you're not bailing on me are you?" she sounded more than pissed.

"Sorry Bella, I was caught up in… stuff. I lost track of time."

"So get your ass down here."

"Bella… I… can't… It's too soon. I can't get my head straight."

"What's to get straight."

"Bella my best friend nearly died and it's all my fault… It's doing my head in… I can't…"

"Edward are you trying to ditch me? Is that what this is?"

I held my breath… it would be so easy to say yes. Just get it over with. Dump her on the phone and get on with my life… but it wasn't that simple. Not only was that unforgivably rude… I couldn't do it without looking at her to see if she was ok. But also… I wanted her to still be friends at least… I didn't want to lose her totally. I guess I wanted everything and I couldn't have it. "Bella…" I breathed heavily trying to collect my thoughts… "I can't do this now…"

"Then when?" she fumed.

"Sunday morning. Riley will be going home with his mother… he'll be alright there; we can meet up in the wood behind your house so you don't have to go far."

"10am. Be there." She said and hang up.

I breathed a sigh of relief, I knew I was just forestalling the inevitable but I still felt like I had dodged a bullet… until.

"What the Fuck are you doing." Emmet boomed from the doorway. He heard it all. "You didn't do it… are you ever going to? Or are you going to string both of them along…"

"Emmett…"

"No, fuck this. What's wrong with you. You nearly kill the guy your supposedly in love with and you pull this shit… what is it? Is she that good a root you can't leave her… what is it some kinky shit she does with her pelvis?"

"Emmett… we haven't done anything… we haven't even kissed"

This made Emmett even madder. "Then what the fuck are you doing." I could have said that he had not always been faithful to Rose, but he wasn't in the mood for a debate, he was in the mood to rip me to pieces. And I was too tired to fight. I had no idea he felt that strongly about Riley… it was almost like a platonic love.

"Emm, I'm finishing it on Sunday… I haven't had a chance to talk to Riley yet about it. I don't know if he even wants me back."

"Bull, you know exactly what he wants, it's what he's wanted from the day he walked through that door 2 years ago. He's not the one that's holding this up… it's you." He was fuming. He still stood in the doorway. He didn't trust himself to keep his promise to Carlisle of hands off if he stood anywhere near me.

"Sunday Emm."

"You better, because come Sunday noon if you haven't ditched her… I'll kill you." He said menacingly and stormed off.

'Thanks Emm, nice to know you care.' I thought. But I couldn't blame him. I didn't understand what I was doing, so why would he.

I took a deep breath and looked at the music I had just written… suddenly it all became very clear in my head… Riley was right… I would sort it out while composing, he knew me so well. I picked up my phone and rang Carlisle to ask him to let me know when Riley was left to sleep tonight, so I could come round. I knew Riley would want me there. Yes, Emm was right… Riley had only wanted one thing ever since I first met him; my love… but I have broken him since then. Will he forgive me.

RPOV

It was decided I was well enough for visitors, but the people I wanted to see the most, my family; the Cullen's were forbidden entry by my mother, which was like a knife to my side…

First Rev. Ryan came in. He cheered me up a little. He had tried to get my mother to see sense about the Cullen's but she wasn't budging. He quipped "I'm sure this is how the mountains felt about Mohammed". We had a brief discussion touching on what I did. He said that God would forgive me, but in future for me to come and talk to him at any time day or night, rather than doing anything drastic. That since his wife died and his kids were all grown up and moved away with families of their own he wouldn't mind a chat, even if it is in the small hours of the morning. "Old Fella's like me don't sleep too well at the best of times. It would be a break from me pacing and worrying about Sunday's sermon."

Next was Mr Newton, who was concerned I was alright. He had put two and two together but said he wouldn't even tell Mike since he had verbal diarrhea. He asked if it were to do with money… because he could give me an advance on my next holiday wages if that was it… I assured him it wasn't and thanked him. Touched by his kindness.

Then Cora came. She was relieved I was alright; then pissed at what I had done (the Chief had confided in her knowing that she was discreet), finally ending in tears. "Just come to the diner if you have a problem… well sort it out…" She said and made me promise never to do anything like that again. I agreed, knowing that if Edward and I fell apart I would make sure I didn't come back next time.

Finally, Jacob came. He tried to put a brave face on it but as soon as the door was closed behind him the tears started flowing. He came and hugged me and no doubt reflexively gave me a big kiss – on the lips.

"Why did you let the leach do it to you?" he said angrily.

"He didn't do it, I jumped…" I said.

"Yeah, he mightn't have thrown you off the cliff but he pushed you to it with Bella." I noticed when he said her name it was full of emotion… When I got out of here I was going to have to explore that one.

I didn't know what to say to that, it was true and I had never lied to Jake in my life. There was a pregnant pause. I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me. I was going to make him spill it.

"What are you holding back Jake… you know we have no secrets… were blood brothers for life." I said.

He paused. I could see him thinking about whether he should. Finally, he made a decision.

Tears again started streaming down his face… "How could you tell THEM about US?"

I looked confused. "Who?"

"The leaches… you told them what we were, what we did… how could you… I thought it was special. I thought…" His heart was an open wound. I had no idea he cared this much.

"Jake… I didn't tell them… I never would… Edward read your mind… he asked me point blank, I couldn't lie to him. I never mentioned it to another living… or dead soul."

"But they said…"

"Do you think they might have been just jerking your chain?"

"The Fucking bastards…" He was furious. But I had something I needed to find out.

"Jake…" I said calmly. He glared at me. "I thought you said… what we had… that it was just fooling around. That you were straight… That even you and Paul were just experimenting?" That brought him back down with a crash.

"I… I… I was 13, I didn't have a clue what I wanted…"

"I was only 15, I didn't have much more of one."

"But you chose the leach…"

"Jake… I told you from the start that I wanted to be together with Edward… he just had this dumb idea that a vampire and a human could never make love… Jake if I knew you were serious I never would have gone along with it. I thought we were best friend with benefits, that, you and Paul would continue on till you met the girl of your dreams like you always said; and then…" I couldn't finish the sentence.

Jake Continued "I don't know what to think… I… it's difficult… if it gets out that I might be gay I could be thrown out of the tribe… they don't go for things like that…"

"Jake, I will never tell anyone… nor will the Cullen's… there not like that."

"They said they would"

"When?" I stared him down.

"When I said I would tell Bella about you and Edward…" he said guiltily.

"I wonder why?" I was pissed… he was angry at me for supposedly telling my mate about some fooling around I did back when I thought we were never going to be mates meanwhile he was going to out me and Edward to Bella… I took some deep breaths to calm myself… he was just a kid… I wish I knew what he wanted. I needed to find out.

"So, how come you care about Edward and Bella." I said fishing. He flushed… bingo.

"I… I…" he was stuck.

"Come on spill… no secrets?"

"I kind of like her…" he said his eyes hit the floor and his chin was on his chest.

"Really? And she reciprocates?" I asked.

"Whenever that leach isn't around her."

"And so why are you giving me a hard time about us not being together?"

"I… I'm sorry. I… I still feel for you. A lot… And when I thought you had… Then when you survived I thought that maybe if you ditched the blood sucker we could…"

"Is that what you really want?"

"I don't know."

"Looks like you need to do some thinking."

"Yeah… but what does it matter, as long as the leach is around I might as well not exist to both of you." My heart went out for poor Jake.

"Look I'm always here to talk to. Just tell me what you are thinking. It's awkward that I'm part of this whole love triangle thing. But we can work it out… What about Paul?"

"He says he's found a girl and doesn't want to anymore…"

"God I'm sorry Jake."

"Yeah… God, I've fucked everything up…"

"No, compared to the shit I'm in, your laughing… just go home and analyse your feelings. Your 15… your bound to have lots of crushes… and well it went a lot further with us… just think about which one of the three of us you can't live without. If that's not of us… then maybe there's someone else for you."

"What if that's you…" Fuck… he would have to go there.

"I don't know. I have to say I love Edward. I guess I also love you in a way. But it's not the same…"

"You know your mother has forbidden Edward to have anything to do with you." Fuck Jake don't do this…

"Yes," I said flatly…

"And if Edward stays with Bella?"

"Fuck I hate hypotheticals… We're all going to have to do a lot of thinking to sort this out… I promise you I will tell you as soon as anything happens."

Jake seemed satisfied by this. He gave me a hug and then left.

….

Carlisle was the last to see me for the night after my mother left… He again opened the window cryptically saying I needed fresh air. I could see where Edward got his obsession with respecting peoples wishes…

As I waited for Edward I ran over the course of the day… The next thing I knew Edward was standing next to me.

"I hear Jacob was here." He said, jealousy pouring from him.

"Yeah… his feelings are pretty messed up…" Edward dead panned. "Edward, I told him what I always do… I love you." His eyes softened. "I'm sorry that I can't undo the past… that back then I was just a dumb horny kid that had taken your no sex thing too literally… You know I never meant to hurt you… I had no idea until now that Jacob was serious about me."

"Who am I to criticize… Your hear because of me… and I'm not a 15-year-old horny kid." He looked hurt.

"Edward…" I reached out with my arm and took his hand. I said it all with my thoughts. He smiled a tired smile. "How did your composing go?" I said changing the subject.

"You were right… that and a tactless discussion with Emmett cleared it all up in my head…" Edward said.

"Are you going to elucidate or keep me on tenter hooks?"

"First I'd like to say that I love you…" Oh fuck this isn't going the way that I wanted it to… Edward picked up on my feelings. "Just hang in there… I've got to say this. it's not easy, but I need to say it."

I nodded for him to go on and gave his hand a little squeeze.

"I love you SO much… I also realize… I love Bella." Oh fuck, there was a ringing sound in my ears and my blood pressure started to skyrocket. Edward squeezed my hand to get my attention back. "It's a kind of platonic love… I don't feel the need to be… intimate with her… I was curious…"

"You…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"No, I haven't even kissed her. I have thought of it… but I just couldn't. That part of me belongs to you… I could never be unfaithful…" A wave of relief washed over me… followed secondly by aware of guilt… I had not been so pure… While once we became lovers I had never cheated so much as by thought on Edward. I had foolishly betrayed him with Jacob and Paul before that…

I had rationalized back then that I was not a virgin, so it didn't matter.

And that was it… I had experience the joys of the flesh before… the idea of a sexless life was unthinkable… When we had the argument; when he confronted me about Jake, I had told him this… It was different for him, he was still a virgin, with him it was all theory, I had lost my virginity at 12 and I knew what I was missing.

Edward squeezed my hand to bring me back to earth. "I don't blame you… I just wanted you to know… I'm going to see her tomorrow… I'm going to tell her the same thing... Riley, I can change… I won't hurt you again I promise… That's If you still want me."

I didn't know what to say… then I kicked myself… there was only one thing to say… "Yes."

Our lips met in a chased kiss but it had me tingling all over.

….

BPOV

I stood there on the trail from my house that lead into the woods. It was 9:55 am and I was already pacing. The sky was leaden and it looked like it was going to pour rain… I hoped it held off long enough for us to talk.

What Jake said or more what he didn't say was running through my head.

After I left Edward at the hospital I caught him up, he was walking the halls with his dad. I asked him about Riley and Edward.

He took me away from his father into a deserted corridor. He was frightened and cagey. He said nothing… it was strange, almost like he was covering for Edward. But I know he hates Edward, so why? Does Edward have something on Jake? But I can't imagine Edward doing something like that… then again a couple of days ago I couldn't imagine Edward having a gay affair, which is, I'm pretty sure, what lies at the base of this.

Did Riley find out about the Cullen's secret and blackmail Edward to have sex with him?

No the Cullen's are like super close to Riley, if he was doing shit like that they wouldn't be so chummy with him… What is it…

"Bella" Edwards soft voice startles me and I trip over a tree root and nearly go face first in the dirt, Edward catches me. He looks deep into my eyes. There is so much pain in his.

He takes a deep breath, relishing my scent which he has said drives him crazy. Hopefully now in a good way, not in a 'I want to suck you dry' way.

He places me back on my feet. "Thanks" I say shifting my hair out of my face.

"So what's going on. Why are you acting like this?" I say, Irritation flashed across Edward's face.

"Riley has gone home with his mother, and is resting peacefully. He should be ok." Edward says tightly.

Oh fuck, I guess I should have asked how he was before charging in with my questions. "Oh, Sorry… How is Riley?" like I care at the moment, but I needed to sort this out and a pissed off Edward wasn't going to cooperate.

"His concussion is waning, the contusion on the back of his head is healing well. The headaches are still there but he is being medicated to relive them. The other injuries are superficial and shall heal easily…" He states mater-of-factly, then adds almost snidely. "Thanks for asking." WTF?

"Edward…"

"What do you want me to say…" Edwards says impatiently.

OK just charge in.

"Is Riley in love with you?" I held my breath for the answer.

Edwards face is devoid of emotion, almost like a mask. "Yes." He says bluntly.

OK at least he's telling the truth… I let out my breath, do I want to know the truth? Well here goes…

"Are you… in Love with Riley?" Again with the breath holding… please say no, please say no, please say no…

"Yes." Fuck, my world just fell away from me. It's like I was standing on the edge of an abyss and the ground beneath me just gave way.

"What?" was all I could manage to say.

"I am in love with Riley…" he said, I looked into his eyes in case he was joking; no he was totally sincere, there was also a little gleam there when he said 'Riley' that made my stomach ache. "I'm Sorry I behaved the way I did… I was intoxicated by you. I wasn't thinking straight." He explained.

"How long?" I asked, I hoped it was a new thing, maybe over winter break or something. Nothing that serious. He looked at me curiously as if he didn't understand the question. "How long have you two been…" I couldn't say the word.

"Probably if I'm honest since we first met in September 2003. We have been lovers since that Christmas."

"You mean you actually…" again I couldn't finish it. I have no problem with people being gay. Love is love right? But this was the guy I was in love with telling me that for over a year now he had… and he lead me on…

"Yes…" He said without the slightest hint of shame… "Both ways if you are curious." He even sounded proud of it.

This just couldn't be happening to me… no way.

"So What… I was going to be your bit of stuff on the side?"

"No… I don't know. When I fell for you I was blinded to everything. You were so different from anything in my experience…"

I thought quickly "OK, we can do this… it's the 21st century, I'm a modern girl… you can fuck around with Riley if you like…" I hated the idea but I was desperate. "Just as long as you clean it before you put it anywhere near me." I said looking at his groin. Rage flew up in his eyes and they went as black as coal.

"I hoped we could remain friends," He breathed over me. "That we could have some sort of platonic relationship… but I can see that isn't going to work." He fumed. "It's over. I'm Sorry… Goodbye." He made to walk off but I grabbed his wrist.

"No, Edward… You can't."

"Bella, You're just not good for me." He said resignedly.

I couldn't understand "I'm not good enough for you?"

"I'm just sorry, I let this go on for so long."

"Please...don't." was all I could think of saying.

"Goodbye." He said finally and shook loose of my grip and began walking up the path away from my house.

"Edward?" I went to follow but he broke into a run and was gone in the blink of an eye.

"Edward!" I called after him, I couldn't believe what was happening. "Edward!" I screamed in vain as I ran up the path after him… but he was gone, not even a branch stirred.

I stumbled about in the woods first looking for him and then as my world fell apart around me I just blindly walked on. It began to get dark. Finally, I stumbled and fell and I didn't have the strength to get up. I huddled into a ball, cold and numb and wished the earth would open up and devour me… I didn't want this life, not without Edward in it.

I fell asleep and dreamed a large animal with bright yellow eyes was looking at me from the bushes.

RPOV

After our first kiss for nearly two weeks last night we talked and talked. We said we would wait on formally coming out till the Bella situation was sorted. We would talk Sunday night; probably on the phone given Mum's behavior; and plan when we would do it… I wouldn't be going to school for at least this week so we had some breathing room. Edward Lay in the bed beside me and I fell asleep in his arms for the first time in nearly two weeks.

….

Edward woke me when he heard the Nurse coming up the corridor. Edward kissed me goodbye, passionately this time… he was a different person… this was all going to work out. Bella and he would just be friends… who knows she might rebound into Jacob?

I wished Edward well on his mission…

The smile was wiped from my face when the nurse entered and informed me I was being discharged this morning… Great... I knew Mum couldn't contain herself… that in the course of this afternoon she would start up about why I did it. I just prayed I had the strength to not rise to her bate.

Mum drove me home under a sky pregnant with rain… it looked ominous which didn't help my mood. We talked about small things, what was going on in politics, current affairs, so on. I knew she was waiting though.

We pulled into the drive and my car was sitting there.

"Wow, someone went and got my car." I noticed.

"One of the Cullen boys brought it round." Mum said the name 'Cullen' as if it were profane.

"Yea, there great mates to me." I offered trying to let her know how I felt about them.

She didn't reply. We got out and went inside. I was just sitting down in the lounge when she came out with it.

"Honey, I don't think you should spend as much time with the Cullen children."

"Why?" I asked innocently, I knew perfectly well.

"Their…" she was struggling for words. "Too boisterous."

"Mum… their teenagers…"

"You're not like that."

"That's because I'm weird."

"No you're not, your sensible."

"Mum, I'm weird…" she went to disagree but I interrupted. "Don't worry I'm not going to change, I like being weird… but the Cullen's are the only ones who like me for that too."

"Surely you can find some new friends."

"Mum, you hate all the other kids my age… when they first came here you used to sing the praises of the Cullen kids… you were happy I was friends with them."

"That's before I got to know them."

"There just the same… They've helped me a lot."

"I still think you shouldn't see them."

"They're my friends and they're going to stay that way."

"I'm telling you that you are not going to see them any more…" Here we go.

"We sit in class together, what am I going to do ignore them?"

"But they're so common, so American. You should find some new friend that are more suitable."

"Mum, Carlisle is a famous surgeon, Esme is a famous architect… their certainly not common. The Cullen's are all straight-A students… they're as good as it gets."

"I'm telling you that you are not to see them again. I'll talk to the principle and have the class seating reassigned… that should solve the problem."

"They're my friends… Their staying my friends… end of story. You can't run my life." By now we were screaming at each other.

"Yes I can I'm your mother."

"I'll see who I want to see and you can't stop me."

She stopped, I could see her re-calculating her strategy. "I didn't want to tell you this, but I think you should especially stop seeing Edward."

"Why he's my BEST friend?"

"In the Hospital… he made advances on me of a sexual kind, rubbing up against me…" Oh fuck she really is desperate. I couldn't help a laugh. She fumed… "What do you think is funny about that… he's a sex offender."

"Didn't happen Mum, stop lying…"

"How dare you… How would you know.:"

"Because he's gay!" fuck, I didn't mean to say that.

"And how do you know that?" fuck she just played me.

"Mum, were best friend, we tell each other everything. It doesn't matter." I tried to recover.

"I know exactly what the two of you have been up to behind my back."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"The disgusting things you get up to…"

"What!"

"You're not to see him… he's a sick filthy gay…"

"Well so am I Mum, what are you going to do about that!" I screamed back; Fuck why the hell did I just say that…. Edward will be furious.

"Oh no you're not… not in my house. I don't want a sick queer for a son."

"Fine… I'll go and live with Edward… were in love. We're going to spend the rest of our lives together and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Get out! Get out of my house. Go and live with your filthy friend but don't ever talk to me again until you have stopped this nonsense."

"Fine." I was so pissed off I didn't care. I went over to the petty cash tin.

"You're not taking MY money to support YOUR filthy lifestyle." She said.

"It's my money. The money I earned at Newtons last weekend… Sorry Mum, you're going to have to pay the bills all by yourself now." I said getting my money and scooping my keys off the cupboard.

"Well with you not around I won't have so many."

"Fine, enjoy it." I said and stormed out.

I slammed the front door behind me and walked down to my car. It was pouring rain now, but I didn't care, it matched my mood.

I climbed in and sat behind the wheel. There were no tears; which was strange, I was just… numb.

I turned the keys in the ignition and pulled out of our drive and headed down the street. I didn't want to be still sitting there looking pathetic if Mum came out to apologise… no she could wait. Not that I really thought she would. I don't think the word 'sorry' had left her lips in her life. When she was wrong she just used to explain it away, sometimes, but usually just pretend it never happened. I had grown up thinking it normal to pretend that certain conversations just no longer existed.

I pulled up down the road and let out a deep breath. My head started throbbing again… Fuck I left my meds behind… screw it I'm not going in to get them. Maybe the pain will distract me.

Now what… I tried to think about what to do… who to talk to, where to go. Someone needed to know. This was too big to forget. And if she was going to get bitchy about Edward then I was going to launch a jihad on her arse.

I thought Carlisle might be at the hospital, but then he might not. Rev. Ryan might be at the manse, but then again not. Over and over again as I thought of these, a constant thought kept coming to me. There was only one place where I had always felt totally safe. Totally protected. Totally free. There was always someone there, and if there wasn't it was never locked.

I pulled away from the curb and started to drive through the town. It was difficult to drive with the concussion, my head kept swimming a little, like I was drunk, But I had no other option.

I turned the radio on for distraction, trying to stop my head whirring around and around… replaying the hateful and hurtful conversation over and over again… It proved to be a fatal mistake.

After the announcer twatted on for a few seconds a song came on. From the first chord I knew I had made a mistake, but for some reason I was paralyzed to turn the radio off.

"Well I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played and it pleased the Lord"

It was Jeff Buckley's cover of Leonard Cohens 'Halleluiah'.

I began to involuntarily asses my situation… I had just come out too my mother and told her I loved Edward, and even though I'm fresh out of hospital she threw me out of the house. Saying I was sick. Before that she said I would never see Edward again. My life was so fucked… Now the dams broke and the tears started.

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya  
She tied you to her kitchen chair  
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

And I don't know what happened with Edward and Bella… maybe this was all for nothing. Maybe when he sees her he will change his mind. Realize she is the one for him. 'She can give him what I can't', that's what he said to me at school… I guess that means a family. She has ovaries, I don't; it could be as simple as that. With me it would always be a half family, even if we adopt or surrogate. The kids will be one of ours, but not ours. How can I compete with that…?

With her he will have a normal life. No one will stare or say hurtful things. He could get married to her tomorrow and the whole town would come along to see and be happy. But with me we will be 'living in sin' in more ways than one until one day, maybe in 50 years they change the law… how old will I be then. Will Edward, still 17, want to walk up the isle with his grandpa? We will have had to have suffered abuse and discrimination every day of our lives till then… and then people will be just revolted, think I'm a dirty old man, a lecher, a pedophile!

How dare I ask Edward to give up happiness for just me. To live a life of exclusion and discrimination. How dare I.

Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah

Hallelujah

So maybe I did this for nothing…

I turned into the Cullen's drive. Tears making my vision blur and I had to slow down to see up the heavily forested driveway.

I may be going to get my heart broken all over again… But I had to know… and I needed the Cullen's so badly right now. Not just Edward, but all of them. I needed Esme's tender arms wrapped around me telling me it would be alright even if she didn't believe it, but just saying it to make me feel better.

I pulled up outside the Cullen house. They were all but one standing there with puzzled expressions on their face. They must have heard my car way off.

Jasper immediately picked up my emotions and ran over and hugged me. I have no idea how he found the inner strength to do that, to resist his primal urges, but I will always remember it and I will always be thankful.

"What happened?" he said, he stood there in the pouring rain holding me, not giving a damn how wet he got.

"Yes Riley, why aren't you at home resting." Said Carlisle concerned.

"I told Mum about Edward and Me…" I whimpered into Jasper's shoulder, a human wouldn't have been able to catch it, but I was used to being around them. "She kicked me out of the house." I started Sobbing and Jasper rubbed my back. I was in a millisecond surrounded by the warmth of the Cullen family. I could feel them stroking me, letting me know they were here for me. I sniffled and raised my head a bit. "She said she didn't want a sick queer for a son and that I wouldn't be welcome until I changed my mind." Again with the sobs. My whole body ached from the strain.

Then it came to me… they mightn't want me here creating an emotional mess for them to clean up… hadn't I put them through enough already. "I'm sorry," I choked out. "I should have gone to a refuge or…"

"No." Esme said Firmly… "This will always be your home; you are always welcome. I looked into her eyes and saw the love and tenderness there… a stark contrast to my own mother's dark eyes filled with rage and disgust… that did it, I started to sob again.

Before I knew it Jasper tucked an arm under my legs and I was swept off my feet and carried inside.

Emmett went to my car to get my non-existent bags. He let out a deep sigh when he found the boot and the back seat empty, then followed us inside.

When inside and upstairs in the lounge room Jaz placed me on a sofa and Esme covered me with a blanket, I hadn't realized I was still soaking wet and shivering.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Esme asked.

I shook my head. "No, not now thanks… I still need to get my head around it all."

Esme smiled… "Poor dear. Can I get you something to eat?"

I smiled. "No thanks, I'm so churned up I don't think I could keep anything down." She patted my matted hair and smiled tenderly, then getting up and sitting over on the love seat with Carlisle.

Jas was still by my side crouching on the floor. I could feel the waves of calm he was spreading over me, then followed by love. It felt like the best warm blanket in my life. Like being in a snug bed watching it snow blizzard outside. I smiled to thank him. He returned it with those damned dimples of his. God, if Edward chucks me in I don't know how I'm going to resist Jasper… Then I looked over to Alice, full of concern for me and felt immediately guilty… How could I hurt such an innocent? No I couldn't be the home wrecker. I wasn't perfect, but I couldn't bust up their love.

Jasper sensed my feelings and eased back on the pathokinesis. I thanked him with my eyes.

To distract myself from Jasper I asked where Edward was. Jasper looked pained at this. I knew why. My heart went out to him. I wasn't very subtle, but I knew I was in an emotionally vulnerable state and liable to do something stupid that I would regret later.

"He's going to break it up with Bella…" Alice said.

"He better be or I'll fucking break him up." Emm said.

"Emmett." Carlisle said sternly.

"No Carlisle… we've put up with his shit for decades now. And it just gets worse. Now he nearly killed someone… when is it going to get too much and you bring him into line." Emmett fumed.

"Emmett, don't speak to Carlisle like that." Esme rebuked. Emm held his ground, but said no more.

"Stop." I said Firmly. "Edward and I need to work this out… it's going to take time. I know it's not easy for him. But I love him and I want him to make the right decision for him. If that means Bella's in his life, I'll just have to deal with it."

"That's Bullshit." Emm exploded.

"Emm, I can't make him love me if he loves another… So just let us muddle through…" Seeing the pained expression on his face I changed tack. "I'm so glad you've got my back though. I always know you've got me." I said sincerely. If Emm was a human, he would have blushed… the big softy.

EPOV

I sped home trying to get Bella's wailing out of my head… it didn't work. I so wanted to sink into Riley arms, he was the only one who could get me out of these moods, chase away the thoughts running through my head. I almost drove over to his place… but I had been forbidden by Mrs Biers from setting foot anywhere on their property… no wiggle room there and to my eternal damnation I was a man of honor.

I was startled to see Riley's car parked out the front of our house. Didn't he trust me to do what I said I would do… Did he have to come and check up on me… I fumed at this until I got closer and his thoughts washed over me. Such despair. I screeched to a halt and was out of the car and by Riley's side practically before he had heard the tire screech. Jasper fell back courteously. Though of course he didn't want to. He went and stood beside Alice.

Riley's face was a mess. His eyes blotchy and swollen, his cheeks wet from tears.

"What happened baby?" I said, I couldn't help the term of endearment, it just fell out… It wasn't missed on Riley, or anyone else. Emm smiled contentedly.

"I came out to Mum." Riley sniffled. I must have looked shocked. We had talked about this, planed it… he had jumped the gun. Riley picked up on my expression, tears began streaming again from his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't plan to, it just happened. Mum said I couldn't see you and that started a row and that lead to her starting to make shit up about you which I said couldn't happen because you were gay, and then she started slagging you off about it so I told her I was gay… which she didn't believe so I told her about us; that's when she kicked me out of the house." sobs wracked his body.

My fists balled. I so wanted to go and punish his mother for hurting such a beautiful young man… But I knew they could be put to better use; so I un-balled them and wrapped them around Riley. He threw his arms around me and wept on my shoulder. I stroked the back of his head with one hand and made comforting circles on his back with the other. All the time kissing his shoulder, his neck his ear, his wet hair anywhere I could reach… I wanted to show his so much that I was here for him, that he was safe. All the time I whispered soothing words to him, that it would be alright, that I was here. That I would take care of him.

When the sobs subsided I tilted my head and gazed deep into his eyes, holding both sides of his head. "She doesn't mean it… she'll apologize given time." I tried to make it sound like I meant it.

Riley smiled, he didn't believe a word of it. "You now Mum, she's not going to change no matter what. She hates gays, think we should burn in hell."

"But she loves you." I said.

"She did… but I just did the unforgivable. She'll only have me back if I give up being gay…"

"I'm sure she will come to her senses." I said. Riley looked at me skeptically. There was no point debating it. What happens will happen.

"I'm sorry for coming over, I know we said that I'd give you time… I just couldn't think of where else to go." He started sobbing again.

"Shhhh…" I breathed. "I'm so glad you are here… I almost went by your place to see you."

"I don't expect anything; I could sleep on the sofa… I'll be no bother." He continued, my heart broke a little.

"I'm not having the only person in this house that needs to sleep, sleeping on a sofa." I said Firmly. "You will sleep in OUR Bed…" The attributive adjective wasn't lost on him and he smiled… I then added "with me, if you will allow me." I said, a nervous smile crept across my face. I hoped I wasn't pushing him too fast, I so wanted this to work, I didn't want him thinking I just wanted his body.

His heart rate increased, as did his breathing, his mind swooned and all he could think of saying was "That would be nice." I gave him the crooked smile I knew he liked so much and was met with the desired response. His lips locked with mine and I savored every minute of it.

We were knocked from our embrace almost literally by a knock on the door.

"What the Fuck, who visits us." Said Emm going down stairs to investigate.

When the front door opened a familiar smell wafted in… Vampire. I kicked myself, I had been so caught up in the moment I hadn't felt them at all.

Three vampires appeared from the stairwell. A White man wearing jeans and a suede bomber jacket, his long blond hair in a ponytail. A muscular Black man with a fine goatee beard, long dreadlocks and wearing jeans, a taupe jacket and white frilly silk scarf. And a red haired woman who looked like an escapee from a 70's hippie commune with jeans and a fluffy sheep's skin coat and no shoes.

"My name is Laurent," the black one said, "And these are my companions Victoria and James…"

 _ **End Note**_

 _ **Oh Dear, just when it all seemed to be going fine for our boy's SM's cannon butts in… Reading the backstory of Twilight, James and his coven were in Forks to check out the Cullen's, they had yet to do that in my version so hence this was inevitable…**_

 _ **I thought about writing the Jake thing differently, but thought this was more realistic… teenagers do dumb things. So don't be too hard on Riley. Most of us have slept with someone and retreated it later.**_

 _ **The next chapter as you can imagine is pretty involved, I like to try and keep as close to cannon as I can without compromising my own story. So that being said, thank you all for reading,**_

 _ **I'd encourage you all to read my Christmas outtake of this story about Edward and Riley's first Christmas… entitled imaginatively "First Christmas" It has a bit of Riley's back story so you know how he ended up in Forks.**_

 _ **Also for some 'post holiday God I hate work/study' reading I'll try and post the next chapter of "Wolf's Cry in the distance" when Riley goes to the Cullen house for the first time. It's pretty silly, but hell a house full of teenage Vampires would be pretty crazy wouldn't it?**_


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